


Back Against the Wall

by Beautifulmoiety



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Carla is the character that dies, Eren sees it, F/F, F/M, In the first chapter, Jean and Eren really love each other, Kidnapping, Levi isn't bad, M/M, Mentions of past abuse from Kenny, Rape/Non-con Elements, but yeah he is gonna really need to get his shit together, don't fuck with me about Jean and Eren I don't fucking give a shit, it's graphic, kind of the whole point, levi kills carla accidently, nemesis au, super sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2019-01-21 04:54:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 34,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12450057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beautifulmoiety/pseuds/Beautifulmoiety
Summary: When you turn 18 you get the marks of both your soulmate and your nemesis, for most the two are different but that is not the case for Eren. As the eight days until his boyfriends 18th birthday past a looming anxiety over takes Eren at the thought that Jean won't have the same marks he does, and that they'll have to move on from Each other.





	1. Keeping promises is hard.

**Author's Note:**

> I so fucking sorry. I am still writing Worth the wait, do not fret. However I saw the prompt and couldn't fucking help myself 'cause I am serious;y such trash for theses boys. Also I read this fic called A Warm Breath last night and it fucked me up, this has nothing to do with that, I just wanted to let you know that I was disappointed and yet satisfied with that fic. 
> 
> Anyways, this is not some fluffy fic in anyway. There's going to be a lot of trying moments from both side. Eren isn't in a particularity go head space, but can you blame him really? He just had to break up with the person he loved more than he though possible, without the obligation to because of a mark, and now he finds Levi and this shit happens? 
> 
> I don't know what's wrong with my google docs, because sometimes it works too fucking well and changes nor to or, but shit doesn't want to point out when I've spelled something wrong or use the wrong word cause it does that too sometimes, but whatever I'm sorry. I'm dyslexic anyways. Plus my heads been hurting a lot and is one of the reason chapter nine of Worth the Wait ti taking so long.  
> It's dark as fuck. Whatever though, right?

Finally the day was here, Eren thought to himself as he woke up, his body warmer than usual with a few extra limbs spread over his chest and legs tangled with someone else’s. He smiled thoughtfully to himself, today was the day that Jean would get his marks, the ones you are promised at birth but that did not show until you turned 18. Eren’s had made themselves known only eight days earlier and since the moment they had surfaced he had been eagerly awaiting Jean’s. The two had been inseparable since they’d met in kindergarten, Jean’s family had just moved to town at the time which explained why Eren had never met him before then, but it was there sitting next to each other all those years in school that they had realized how deeply they felt for each other. 

They had started this love affair their last year in middle school, it had been a stupid dare that the pair had taken as a challenge and had turned out to be one of the best mistakes they’d ever gotten themselves into; and now at 18 they were finally going to know the truth that had hung unspoken in the air. It was bad luck to speculate on who your soulmate would be, but the two had made no qualms in admitting they hoped it would be the other. Though when Eren’s marks had shown up matching it had caused a bit on controversy, even so it almost made sense. The pair weren’t the best at communication, and often fought, but even so they made it work. 

Eren breathed in deeply, his thoughts drifting to the man laying next to him, to the curve of his muscular body, and the way his skin had a semi-tan from the time they’d spent with Eren’s family at the beach for his birthday. His eyes skimmed up toward the mans face, smirking at the hickeys which littered his neck from their activities the night before. It hadn't been their first time of course. As hormonal teenagers who had been in a committed relationship most of their formative years they had had more than enough sex. Though the sight of Jean naked in bed with him still made lazy, embarrassed smiles slip onto his face every time. 

It was then that Jean’s left eye peeked open at him a smirk pulling at his lips as he caught Eren try to look away, a furious blush creeping up his face. “Every time Jaeger, are you ever going to get used to this?” Jean’s fingertips traced down Eren’s chest drawing circles on the sensitive skin which made Eren shiver and his breath hitch. 

“I can’t wait to spend forever with you.” Eren whispered, looking Jean in the eye who only gave him a shy smile. 

“Stupid romantic boyfriend.” Jean leaned forward, though as he spoke, silently asking Eren to kiss him, and of course Eren obliged, a soft smile still on his face as he peaked Jeans lips with his own. Jean grumbled a little as Eren shifted to get out of bed, his arms wrapping around Eren’s waist as if begging him to stay. “Where are you going?” His lips were pressed to Eren’s side where he looked up at him. 

“To make you breakfast, it’s your birthday idiot.” Though Eren had insulted him, Jean smiles wide humming.

“Better be good Jaeger.” Jean slapped his sore ass as Eren got up to which Eren glared back at him sticking his tongue out. Eren stepped into the ensuite bathroom that connected to Jean’s room. He tried in vain to make it look as if Jean’s hands had not been clenched in his hair the night before but gave up as he realized his hair would never listen. Brushing his teeth and making himself semi-presentable Eren looked over the bruises and bite marks strewn about his body and smiled to himself unconsciously running a hand over one of the matching marks stained to the skin of his forearm just under this elbow facing outward. 

Tonight at about 6:30 pm the skin of Jean’s forearm would slowly begin to darken into the two stains one for each arm. Proving what everyone already assumed to be true, and then Eren would get down on his knees like he had practiced over and over again with Mikasa and ask Jean the question he’d been waiting to ask him for the last eight days. After that they would officially start their lives together. Eren thought about the plans he had made, how he’d worked so hard and saved every small bonus, and the holiday money he’d been given, all for that trip to Greece like Jean had always wanted. 

Eren took his time making his way down stairs as he thought about the impending moment of truth, when all his fears would leave him and this anxiety which had welled itself up inside him would subside and he could breathe again. When he walked into the kitchen he was greeted happily by Jean’s mother. “Good morning Eleanor," Eren spoke kissing the woman on the forehead before moving to begin helping with the breakfast preparations. 

“Kissing ass as always Eren.” She smiled watching him move about with the ingredients. Used to the playful banter that crossed between the Kristein’s Eren continued as he was, measuring out specific portions and filling a mixing bowl getting ready to make pancakes. Everything was so peaceful, he thought to himself, later Mikasa and Armin would show up with party decorations, and his parents not too long after that with the cake as well as a few other necessities. 

There was a commotion on the stairs as Jean stumbled down in only pajama pants holding something in his hand. He stood there for a moment ignoring the questioning looks his mother gave him as he caught his breath Eren heard him whisper his name. “What Jean, are you okay?” Eren looked at him then and realization flooded him, the small black box in Jeans hand was the one that held the rings Eren had brought to propose. All the color left Eren’s face as he looked at Jean, who was staring at him with wide disbelieving eyes. 

Eren’s mouth flapped open a few times but nothing came out, Eleanor seemed to realize what was going on as she let out a sob of happiness and held her hands over her face. Taking a steadying breath Eren began to speak: “I was waiting, until after, you know. I just, yeah, though once it was official, we could make it- more official?” Eren was looking at the ground then as Jean walked up to him shaking his head. The hand not holding the small box of rings Eren had bought himself was clamped around something else. Jean set down the box with Eren’s rings and brought up Eren’s hand with his own dropping the two objects he’d been holding in his other hand into Eren’s. 

Eren looked up immediately understanding what Jean had placed in his hand. His eyes beginning to tear up as he held the other set of rings in his hand. Eleanor was now full on crying coming to hug the two boys close to herself, petting their heads as the smiled at each other their foreheads pressed together, all three of them were so into the moment that they hadn't even noticed the other person walk in. Marco looked between everyone standing there completely unaware of what had happened to cause such reactions out of everyone. The boy cleared his throat making himself known.

“Uh, what’s happening here?” He looked between the faces that had jumped and turned to him. 

“They’re proposing, isn’t it sweet.” Eleanor exclaimed hugging the two once again. 

“I don’t think we should make anything too real before were sure that our marks match each others.” Eren spoke up looking at Jean and seeing the understand there. Even though they had always been sure there wasn’t a reason to get too ahead of themselves now, not when there was no real promise. If Jean’s marks did not match Eren’s own they would be forced apart, be made to start all over again with someone new. Eren only hoped that if that were the case Jean didn’t have to look too far to find his own match, though there was a sinking feeling in Eren’s chest that told him that it wouldn’t be the same for himself. 

“Eren’s right, there’s no way of us knowing for sure that our marks will match, no matter how sure we feel ourselves there are cases such as this where they don’t match.” Jean’s eyes were sad as he spoke, Eren knew how much Jean wanted it to be true, how much he adored Eren, because Eren felt the same way about him. It was almost unfair to think that something like that could happen, but it did and whole years were lost after that. They would fade from people's minds and become an afterthought, but he never wanted Jean to be an afterthought. Jean was his present and his past, and hopefully his future. 

“Well that’s fantastic you guys.” Marco’s voice was almost too high as he spoke, looking between the two. "Mikasa told me to come and tell you guys that she’s bringing a lot of stuff and to make sure you were awake.” Marco’s eyes shifted away quickly. 

“Well we’re awake, and Eren’s making breakfast, have you eaten?” Jean looked Marco over as he asked that. Marco had been Jean’s friend almost as long as Eren, he had moved into the house next door in third grade, and they had been close since. Eren never really felt as though Marco had posed a threat to his relationship with Jean even though it had started off rocky there had always been a little spark between them, though that wasn’t to say Eren didn’t notice the way Marco looked at Jean, only that he didn’t feel the need to fight for Jean’s attention. Eren trusted Jean like almost no one else, with the exception of Mikasa. 

His cousin had never once let him down, she knew every step to the intricate dance that was Eren’s life and moved accordingly, matching him perfectly. Eren smiled to himself at the thought of Mikasa soon being there, she was his rock when Jean was occupied, and he couldn’t wait to tell her about the rings Jean had bought. Eren set about cooking breakfast with the help of Eleanor, making perfect circles with with pancake mix and humming to the light thrum of music that played in the open space. 

Jean was busy helping clean the living room with Marco preparing for the few friends that would be there soon. Eren knew most of Jean’s family by now, at least the ones who bothered to come to his birthday parties and was excited to seem them again. An hour had passed by the time Mikasa and Armin had arrived., both came to the door with arms full of decorations as Armin talked animatedly about something. 

“That’s horrible Amrin you shouldn’t be so excited about it, those assholes.” That sentence caught Eren’s attention, he looked at the two with his brows raised. 

“What’s going on?” Armin nearly jumped in excitement, seeing that he could get someone else in on this conversation. 

“You know all that strange terrorist activity happening lately? Well the broke into one of those huge government agencies last night. Looks like they wiped some of the data and software out. The government is refusing to make a statement on what was lost or which agency was attacked.” Damn those guys really were crazy, breaking into government facilities.

“They’re getting more bold with their targets.” Jean was beside Eren now looking at their two friends. 

“Oh Happy birthday Jean, can’t wait for tonight.” Armin smiled genuinely at Eren’s boyfriend and continued into the living room with the party city bags he was holding. 

“Thanks,” Jean called after him, and then he looked at Eren. “You’re dad say anything about that?” Eren looked at Jean with his thinking face. 

“I haven’t heard from him actually, or mom.” Eren grabbed his phone out of his pocket and dialed the number. He stood there with Jean listening to the dial tone until there was a click and his mother's voice rang through the speakers. 

“Eren honey what is it, we aren’t late yet!” She laughed and the little anxiety that had settled in his chest dissolved. 

“No, it’s not that. Armin said that there was a break in at a government agency. I was just checking to make sure everything was okay.” The relief in his voice made Jean relax and rest one of his arms around Eren’s waist. 

“Oh, yes there was but Dad is still going to try and make it to Jean’s party, we wouldn’t miss that for the world, promise.” There was a softness in her voice then, Eren had told her what he had planned to do tonight. 

“Okay, mom then we’ll see you there-” Eren trailed off looking at Jean who told him to tell his mother he said hi. “Jean says hi.” Eren laughed, and heard his mother do the same. 

“Tell him I say happy birthday. I have to go now Eren, I love you, we’ll be there soon.” His mother's voice was one of his favorite things about her. Always reassuring, and calm even in situations when it would be preferable for her to sound more upset, it was smooth and soothing like the waves of the ocean. 

Hours passed as they cleaned and got ready for the hoards of people who would be showing up soon. It was tradition for as many family members as possible to show up at the 18th birthday of any of their relatives so that they could celebrate the marking. Sometimes if you wanted you could have your marks published in the newspapers to make it easier for your soulmate to find you, though most chose not to do that since it would mean that their nemesis could find them.

It didn’t happen often but there were enough cases of people having been murdered by their nemesis because of the picture having been in the news for there to be some skepticism and questions as to how safe the method is. Eren had thought that it was a good idea as a child, but then had changed his mind when he heard about a senior girl having been killed in their town after her marks were posted. Even now a shiver went down his spine. He hadn’t thought much about the fact his marks were the same and what that would mean if Jean wasn’t his match, but now it haunted him. 

What would happen to him if he if had to go in search for his match? How would they react? What if they killed him? It wasn’t likely since he was also their soulmate but that didn’t really mean anything, cause there were even cases of soulmates having kill each other. There were so many unknowns in this that suddenly sunk into Eren along with a nagging feeling in his stomach. It was telling him not to hold on to too much hope of Jean being his match. Though now that it was there Eren wanted nothing more than for it to leave him. He wanted to be back in bed with Jean like this morning only he wished they still had years to wait before their marks soiled the happiness they had built together. He wanted it to be Jean so much. 

He didn’t want to think of it ever being anyone else, he wished that the marks weren’t a thing just then so he could be with Jean even if they didn’t match. Guilt started to build up inside his chest, he knew, he could feel it, though he still clung to the shreds of hope and denial that it was still okay that he and Jean would have the same marks. He breathed in and out, his heart rate was higher than it should have been. Eren was a zombie for the rest of the day, even as his parents came in he felt nothing, keeping himself numb so as to not have to think about that awful feeling. He had help finish setting up and was now greeting people with a strained look of happiness. 

The hour clicked down in front of his eyes as Jean played and had fun with everyone, Eren joined in but could focus on what was happening. He felt so sick now as 6:29 pm stared back at him. The clock seemed to take its sweet time moving, as if every second was elongated in the worst way. But then Eren closed his eyes and when he opened them it was 6:30 pm and there was a gasp as the dark stains took their place on Jean’s arms. Eren could already see it, they were not the same. 

He felt the tears break free as he stood there, Jean’s eyes meeting his own before Eren was moving leaving the room unable to stay now that the proof was there. All his fears magnified as he stood outside on the curb crying while screaming at the moon as if the celestial being could do anything to help him. Too many tears came, loud sobs, and screamed curses left Eren as he sat there alone. People had tried to talk to him but he had told them he needed time alone. 

By the end of the party it was clear Eren wasn’t going back inside, so Jean came to him, looking so distraught and broken. He looked as wreck as Eren felt and he really couldn’t blame him. Eren smiled weakly at Jean. He knew it wasn’t his fault, nor was it Jean’s, but it still hurt to look at the man before him. 

“Hey.” Was all Jean said as he sat down, seeing Eren nod at him. They sat in silence for too long, just watching the clouds move over the moon as it reached the climax of its assent into the sky. “I still love you.” Jean whispered looking at Eren who turned to him slowly, first he looked at Jean’s face and then his hand that was holding out as necklace with two different wedding bands hanging from the silive chain. A sniffle left Eren as he looked at the matching one hanging from Jean’s neck whose brows were furrowed in pain and thought. 

“I love you too Jean, I’m sorry I ran away like that I just, I think I knew and then it happened and I realized I couldn’t pretend anymore.” Eren took the necklace with the rings and put it around his neck. 

“At least we got the time we did, right?” Jean looked so sad then, his own tears barely being held back as Eren’s started again. 

“Of course, just promise me when you find them, don’t forget me?” Eren leaned into Jean who held him as if nothing had changed.

“How the hell could I forget you, hmm? You’re stupid laugh, and the way your eyes look-” Jean chokes up but forces himself to continue. “When they look at me. I would never want to forget that, whoever it it that shares those marks with you is so lucky to have you. And so was I, I’m so happy that I got this chance to willingly give my heart to someone without this feeling of obligation to love them.”

Eren looked at Jean and nodded. “You’re right, we never knew it would be us together but I’m happy that you and I took that chance, I’m happy I got this time with you, to feel something so raw, and real.” Eren looked at the moon again. “We love each other even though we weren’t told we had to, and I’m happy we did too.” Eren’s head was still on Jean’s shoulder as the two sat there completely drained of any feeling, and trying futility to pick up the pieces of themselves. 

They hadn’t been without each other in such a long time, and now it felt like there was a gaping void distancing them. Eren’s parents came out eventually with his things from Jean’s room. He took Jean’s hand and squeezed it looking at Jean with no more tears being shed, and then let go turning around he heard Jean sob out a muffled ‘I love you’ to which he called out a soft ‘me too’ entering the back seat of his dad's car and settling in for the twenty minute drive he felt he knew too well now, and that made his heart ache. He couldn’t look out the window as they drove away. No one said anything, the car was so deafeningly quite that Eren left as though he would have liked it better with some music on or something. 

He was about to ask for them to turn the radio on when he noticed headlights moving too fast in their direction. He had no time to brace himself though at the other car came into contact with the right side of the suv sending them rolling with the force of the impact. Eren’s ears were ringing, he thought he could almost make out the sound of someone screaming, and the headlights of the other vehicle. He could see legs back lit against the lights he was squinting into. Though he tried Eren couldn’t make out any sounds around him.

Bringing his hands up to his face he saw blood coloring his palms as he pulled them away. Groaning loudly he tried to move and immediately regretted it, if he had to guess he’d say he’d broken a rib from the pain he left even now as he breathed in shallow breaths. The legs were now moving coming up to the car he was stuck upside down in, the constriction of the seat belt against his chest hurt more than words could articulate. He cursed loudly as the car moved making his body sway a little and proving to him that moving was the most painful experiences in existence at the moment. 

His vision was blurry as he looked around, in front of him he saw two forms which he recognized as his parents, though there was red, a deep red, puddling under one of the forms. It took a moment for it the register in Eren’s head that the red puddle was blood, specifically his mother's blood draining from her body. Panic over took his whole being then, the adrenaline coursing through his blood stream dulled the ache of his limbs as he moved reaching for his mother screaming about how she was going to bleed out. Someone outside must have realized that he was still conscious because there was a curious head popping into the broken right back window looking at him. Their glasses reflected light at Eren so he couldn’t see their eyes, unsure of his own eyes he regarded the figure but decided that they were all the help he had right now. 

He tired to explain to the stranger about his mother but they only shook their head as if denying they could do anything to help her. “Look here asshole, you are going to do something and do it now. I am not in the fucking mood to deal with shit from anyone so fucking help her.” Eren spat as he realize the necklace holding the two rings was hanging dangerously close to falling off his neck. He took the chain in his hand making sure that it stayed on him and pointed with his other toward his mother. 

“Sorry, kid, there really isn’t anything we can do, she died upon impact. Her blood with congeal soon and stop flowing so freely, that’s the best you can hope for though. What do you say we get you out of here though?”The voice that was speaking to his was feminine but misleading at the same time. It was his turn to shake his head in disbelief. 

“No, no, just fucking leave me here.” He looked away from the person, though he hadn’t noticed another pair of legs moving around the car until someone squatted down next to his own window. 

“What a fucking drama queen you are.” The voice was male, and it made Eren jump, but the adrenaline he’d felt was leaving which meant he was hit with a huge wave of pain. Crying out Eren tried to stay as still as possible. 

“Scale of one to ten how bad was that?” The feminine voice was talking again. 

“What?” Eren looked at them. 

“Scale of one to ten-” The male voice came again. 

“I fucking heard them, I just don’t see why you care. Anyways I’d say eight.” Eren snapped at the rude tone of the man. 

“No need to look strong buddy.” Eren huffed at that. 

“Who said I was?” Eren looked at them and then heard his door being pried open. He focused on the sound of metal rubbing against metal, but then just below the noise he heard a shifting in front of him. 

“Eren? Carla?” He heard his father's voice ask, as well as a hissed shit come from the man trying to get him out of the car. 

“Oi, dipshit, you want to help me here? The doctor is waking up.” The man called over the car, presumably to the other person who Eren was walking to. 

“Calm down we’ll just drug him, seriously, it’s not like we won’t have to do it to the kid too.” Eren’s heart was racing at that. 

He thought about everything that’s happened tonight. Why was his life so fucking shit? What had he done to deserve this happening to him? “First Jean and now this.” He said out loud holding on to the rings in his hand, silently hoping that he’d be able to see Jean again someday and this wasn’t where everything ended. 

“What was that princess?” His door was now open and the man was working on his seat belt causing pain to spread rapidly through Eren. 

“What I’ve been downgraded now? Thought I was a queen, how fickle of you.” Eren bit back at the man, and soon regretted it as his back hit the floor, a chilling pain sprang to life as Eren screamed loudly. 

“Bet that was a ten.” The man said moving forward to pull Eren out. He was so lost in the feeling that had yet to dissipate that he didn’t fight back. 

“You really don’t have to be such an ass Levi, we did just fucking kill his mom, which may I remind you again is not part of the plan. How are you going to explain that Erwin?” The man stopped was he was doing tilting his head at the other person. 

“Well shit Hange, how are you going to explain the bastards knowing our names?” Levi, as Hange had said watched as realization came over the person face. 

“Shit, fuck, Levi what do we do?” Hange looked toward Eren’s dad whom they had half way out of the car. He looked shit from what Eren could tell, and then he thought about how he himself looked. 

“There’s nothing we can do, and to answer your question from earlier, we have the kid so we don’t need to wife, I’m sure Grisha will cooperate well enough with the brats life on the line.” Levi looked back at Eren and pulled him out throwing him over his shoulder and causing even more pain to flare up. Eren silently wished that he had died now. 

Levi was right, after dropping Eren onto the roof turned floor of the suv his pain had elevated, though Eren was still adamant that this was nowhere near the worst. He had felt the worst hours ago, could still feel it, this was just a distraction that would fade. A little medicine and this would go away, but Jean, knowing all their work had been for not, that even though they loved each other they were not meant for each other, that had been the worst. Suddenly Eren was happy he had gotten the chance to let Jean know he had meant the world to him because if what Levi was saying was the truth he wasn’t sure he wouldn't get the chance again. Eren went to touch the rings hanging on the chain and realized they were no long around his neck. 

Kicking his legs furiously and ignoring the pain, he hit Levi’s chest hard making the man stop throwing him to the ground. “What the hell is your goddamn problem?” Levi yelled at him even as Eren winced he moved toward the suv again, but Levi kicked him making him stop yelling in pain. “Where are you going?” Levi looked down at him coldly. 

“My necklace.” Eren choked out between gasps of air. 

“Where you’re going you won’t-” Levi’s eyebrows raised in surprise as Eren yelled at him beginning to move again. 

“Fuck off asshole, if you shitholes are going to kill me you can at least let me get my goddamn necklace, can’t you? I mean I know you’re a heartless motherfucker who it too ‘strong’ and ‘cool’ for emotions, but I don’t give a shit. I just had to say goodbye to one of the best things in my life because his marks didn’t match mine. So fucking sue me if I want to at least have the necklace he gave me.” Eren was moving but it was slow and painful. His breathing was heavy and his heart raced in his ear. He left someone push his head down as they walked past him toward the suv, when he looked up he saw Levi looking around the area where he’d picked Eren up, bending down quickly he came back up holding the thin chain in his hands looking at the two mismatched rings clanging together and glinting in the light from their car. 

A soft frown covered his face momentarily before he walked back over to Eren pocketing the necklace. “Hey!” Eren yelled at him but Levi only rolled his eyes. 

“Calm down you’ll get it back, I have better taste than that anyways. What cheap quality metal.” Levi clicked his tongue as he picked Eren back up from the ground and brought him to the back seat. He hadn't been sitting there long when Hange came up to him a white cloth in their hand. 

“Hurry up woman.” Levi said from the front seat impatiently. 

“Chloroform.” Eren said a bit unimpressed, 

“It’s the cheapest.” Hange shrugged her shoulder. It didn't take long for Eren’s eyes to flutter close. As sleep washed over him his last thought was of Jean and how he wished he’d stayed there even if they didn’t share their marks, he wouldn’t be here now, but there also was no way to know that his mother would still be alive. One final sigh left him before he was gone into the darkness, for which he was grateful for. Eren was sure that if he had just gone home he wouldn’t have slept, he would have stayed up all night like he imagine Jean would. He would have thought over every second they had ever spent together, and now he would have replayed the crash and tried to catch the exact moment his mother had died. 

He thought of her voice in that darkness as he laid still, unaware that he was slowly waking, he remember talking to he briefly at Jean’s party, having hugged so quickly when she’d arrived and how he had wished he hadn’t been so preoccupied with himself. All of those stupid feelings now felt like such a waste when he could have spent the time in the comforting presence of his mother one last time. And then the encompassing silence of the car as they had drove home came back to him. Eren felt it now, the sleep fading away and washing in the pain he had forgotten existed in his bones. 

Waking up Eren found himself in a small white room handcuffed to a medical bed. He could smell the disinfectant on the walls and floor surrounding him the only unchanged thing was his clothes which had their fair share of blood spotted here and there over dried wounds. A pounding had started in his head at the brightness of the lights hanging in the room. He heard a door open and would have moved his head had it not felt like there was a hammer falling consistently against his skull. 

“Eren?” It was Hange’s voice, he recognized it from the crash, though his eyes were closed, he made a humming sound letting her know he had heard her. “Sweetie, how are you doing?” She asked.

“I’m just assuming but I’m pretty sure I have a concussion, and then you chloroformed me, that and I was in a fucking fatal car crash in an suv that rolled like five times, dropped from some sort of height, and kicked by a really fucking lovely person. I’m surprised he isn’t here.” Hange laughed at that. 

“Not going to argue there, Levi’s an ass, and you would be right about everything, though I wanted wait for you to wake up before I checked out anymore injuries to get a reaction you know to gage.” Her hands flapped in the air widely. 

“Yeah whatever.” Hange brought up some scissors indicating she was going to cut off his clothes Eren looked at her gesturing for her to go ahead with it. He didn’t particularly care, a numbness had fallen over him emotionally when he had woken up. 

“You have a few bruised bones that's for sure.” He hummed as Hange helped him take off his shirt, as they pulled away their eyes trailed over his chests but stopped suddenly as she reached out for his arm pulling up his arms and pressing them close to each other causing a wince on Eren’s part as pain shot up because of the action. “Your marks they match, and they’re-” She trailed off looking them over and then looking back up at Eren’s face. 

“What?” Eren looked at her mostly blankly aside from the slightly pained furrow of his brows. 

“You are never going to believe this.” Hange was smiling wickedly and shaking her head. “I know who’s marks match yours, and so do you.” She looked at Eren who seemed confused for a solid minute until it hit him and he stumbled back a little. 

 

“Fuck no. I don’t fucking care. He can go fuck himself.” Eren was serious, way more serious than he had ever been in his life, and the look that crossed Hange’s face was one of extreme pain herself as she realized the gravity with which Eren meant those word. Levi was going to be kicking himself over this for the rest of his life, she was sure of that. 

“He’s not that-” Hange tried to defend her friend but Eren cut her off. 

“He fucking kill your mom too? Huh? You don’t have anything to say to that do you? No you don’t cause he didn’t and you didn’t have to watch it happen, as if my night could have gone any worse, and now my life truly is ruined. What is Jean going to say? I can only imagine ‘cause I’m never going to see him again, no I’m going to spend the rest of my life having the shit beaten out of me by my soulmate nemesis who fucking killed my mom. This is not what I thought they meant when they said forever together, but it seems fitting now.” Eren was looking straight up at the ceiling, letting the lights cloud his eyes with spots to try and blot out this new pain. 

How much more could he go through before he’d had enough? How far did this have to go before his heart gave out? He hoped it wasn’t far off now. He could go peacefully and finally be allowed some semblance of happiness again in death. Hange raised her hand to touch him again but Eren swatted it away, ignoring the upset and hurt look from the woman he didn’t fucking know. 

“Just go and leave me here okay? I don’t fucking care anymore.” Eren was shifting slowly onto the bed and again and pulling his legs up after him, she had just opened her mouth the say something when the door opened slamming against the wall loudly make Eren’s head erupt with more throbbing. 

“Oi brat, why the fuck aren’t you-” Levi stopped in his tracks looking at Eren’s exposed arms, trailing over both and finding both the marks there to be so painfully familiar. His eyes took in everything as it hit him, his chest tightening, and his breathing halting. Raging pools of teal and caramel looked him straight in the eyes, and he could see all the pain and anguish there and it suddenly broke him. “Fuck I-” Levi’s mouth snapped shut as Eren yelled at him.

“Get the fuck away from me. I don’t ever want to see you again.” Tears ran down his face smudging all the dirt that clung to his skin. 

Levi knew now all too well why his marks matched. He was the fuck up, without having even tried to be, and now he had ruined it all. Those stupid goddamn promises he had made to himself then the marks had appeared completely out the door. Tears pricked at his own eyes as he looked at Eren and felt the world crumble around him. He breathed in deeply, he had come here for a reason and now had to fulfill it even if Eren was looking at him like that. Digging his hand into his pocket he pulled out the chain holding two rings that suddenly felt so much heavier in his hands. Eren had loved someone who wasn’t himself and now Levi would never know what that was like. 

He walked right up to Eren unclasping the chain and bringing it around his neck, and refastening it there so it hug lose on his neck. Levi looked at the two contrasting metals, that hadn’t hurt so much to see until now as they sat against Eren’s skin. “His name is Jean, and I wish more than anything that it had been him, and not you.” Eren spoke then and Levi closed his eyes, nodding, ‘cause he honestly couldn’t blame Eren. Levi wished now that Eren had been able to be with Jean and had never had to met him, he wished he could erase himself from Eren’s life, that he could change those marks for him. 

Levi left then turning and leaving quietly. As he walked through the hallways he felt a horrible weight fall onto his chest making it hard to breath. He locked himself in his office/apartment with a sign that told anyone looking for him that he wasn’t in the mood for anything today. He was surprised that not even Hange or Erwin came to see him. He felt so cold and empty as the day continued and he thought over the night before. He’d been so focused on the mission and what he had to do, he didn’t notice how fast he was going. When he hit the suv he had thought that would be it that there would be nothing left to deal with just the same old shit.

He had not expected Eren. Hadn’t even considered that one day he could be doing his job and sudden come across the love of his life, without even meaning to. To think that he had spent all that time preparing for this day, thinking over what to say to them, to promise to never hurt them. He threw his head back against his desk chair welcoming the pain it brought to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there again to the people commenting, first off step the fuck off my mothering dick I swear to god. I'm done getting their shitty fucking comments just leave there is no reason to comment you understand? I don't want to hear it cause it isn't criticism it is blatant disregard for someones feelings that you don't agree with, and I get it freedom speech and shit but you also have the freedom to scroll past my fic. You don't have to be here, you don't even have to look at it if it makes you so goddamn sick just scroll past, that easy. 
> 
> I don't understand where you get off thinking it's okay to say the things you do and that there won't be consequence. I bet you're one of those assholes on tumblr who post shit like just remember to breath and everything will magically be oh-fucking-kay, but for some reason can't take you're own shit advice? Seriously go drink your goddamn water asshole. 8 cups a day no less okay? Also I'm so fucking happy you're alive and made it through the day without problem. 
> 
> Yeah you're just another fucking bullshiter who thinks as long as I post this and three people see it then I'm okay in the karma department and I can go shit on people in their comments on a story I won't even read but that's fine because I support people with low self esteem and help them find inner peace everyday. Yeah I'm a mental health activist but fuck you don't think like I do and I don't like that so shit let's on you and don't worry about how you feel or how I've just don't something super immature that I'll later regret as I get older. 
> 
> Someday I hope you take a good hard look back at yourself and realize that as forward thinking and amazing as you though you were now you weren't because you took time out of your day to post a shit comment on my fic you didn't read all because you saw a tag you didn't like. So mature now, I'm quiver in my goddamn boots at you maturity and how much more original and talented you are than me, I see all of none fucking fics you've written. So what are you truly giving to the world other than your crap opinion I didn't ask for? At least I know some people like the shit I'm writing and that you spend too much time on the internet deciding you somehow dictate other peoples lives. 
> 
> So cry me a goddamn river build your bitch ass a fucking bridge and get over yourself, you aren't important to me and I honestly don't see why you feel are? 
> 
> Anyways like I said 8 cups of water a day, I'm proud you got out of bed (did you get out of bed?), you're still alive and have a good day.


	2. Enter the answer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #Notsorry also shit's getting started bitches I have so many plans. You just thought this was going to simple, well you're wrong. Also I think Eren would have the most lovely singing voice. I just adore honestly, like thinking of him I'm grinning like a fool.

Levi had locked himself away for the last three day, but now on what would have been the fourth day he decided it was doing him no good to do so and was now letting his feet carry him down the halls and toward the room he knew Erwin would be waiting in. He’d receive a letter excusing him from any duties for the foreseeable future but Levi felt ready to face the world and bare his mistakes. He would not let this break him, not after everything, this he could deal with, maybe fix it, given the chance. Erwin was sitting expectantly at his desk but was still surprised to see Levi there. 

He did not mistake the cold ice of Levi’s appearance for anything other than what it was. Levi had all guards up and would not let them down for sometime, he wondered then how Levi would fair trying to do his job today. Progress on Doctor Jaeger had halted after the revelation that his son, whom they were using a leverage, is Levi’s soulmate. Though now it looked as if Levi had pushed the thoughts away. 

“Obviously I can not long participate in the mission at hand.” Levi’s voice was steel as he spoke not looking at Erwin. 

“Yes we’ll have to get you on another endeavor.” Erwin spoke nodding in consent to what Levi was saying. There was no way he would force Levi to do anymore than he already had. He knew how much all of this must have truly hurt him. “Well as far as that is concerned there isn’t much we have going on.” Erwin looked between the sheets of paper in front of him and stopped on one. “Actually there is something, a kid, he’s been poking around in our business. I want you to recruit him Levi.” The man’s eyebrows lifted lazily.

“You want me to recruit someone? Why not Hange?” He narrowed his eyes at Erwin.

“Hange is a bit preoccupied with a rather important person at the moment.” Erwin said the words pointedly letting Levi know there was no more room for complaint, though he felt guilt rack over him as Levi’s face falter at the subtle hint toward Eren. 

“Is he-” Levi looked down, but Erwin knew what he was trying to ask. 

“He’s doing a lot better actually. Hange had been working tirelessly to make sure he recovers fully, though I think she wears him out more than anything.” Erwin saw the smallest most pained smile flash on Levi’s face. 

“He said anything?” Levi was still not looking at Erwin and he could blame the man. He knew how hard Levi had tried, how long he had waited patiently, and that Levi had never dated anyone. A few one night stands, a fuck-buddy or two, Erwin looked back fondly on that time, but never anything serious because Levi was waiting. Levi had wanted this more than anything, had spent more than enough time locked in his room on days when the ache had been too much for him. 

“Honestly Hange doesn’t talk about it much, says that if I want to know anything I have to talk to him myself. She’s alway smiling when she leaves him so I can’t imagine it’s that bad.” Erwin saw the relief that past over Levi, and the man looked up.

“You make sure she doesn’t do anything too insane to him okay? I don’t want him anymore fucked up than he is now.” Levi had swiftly turned to leave so his emotions could not betray him. 

He set of toward the small garage fully prepared to throw himself into his work, but he stopped shirt as he came upon the hall was he knew Eren’s room was on. Unaware of himself Levi turned down the hallway, his feet carrying him to Eren’s room without warning. He heard music coming from the slate white door, with it came a warm rich voice which made his knees weak. It had to be Eren singing. 

“Dream...  
Dreamgirls will help you through the night!  
Dream...  
Dreamgirls will make you feel alright!  
Dreamgirls keep you dreamin' your whole life through...  
Yeah, Dreamgirls can make your dreams come true!  
We're your Dreamgirls, boys...  
We'll make you happy.  
Yeah, yeah, yeah...  
We're your Dreamgirls, boys...  
We'll always care.  
We're your Dreamgirls...  
Dreamgirls will never leave you!  
No, no...  
All all you've got to do is dream, baby,  
We'll be there,” Levi heard cackling noise come out along with the wondrous sound on Eren singing. Levi knew that to be the sound of Hange laughing. Unable to stop himself Levi peaked through the small window into Eren’s room where he saw the man doing motions with his hands as he sang, a wince here and there but otherwise unaffected by the pain in his limb. Levi smiled at that, but missed Hange say something to Eren which made him stop singing and look to the door where Levi was watching. 

He felt his face heat up, and knew there was a blush covering every visible surface. “Peeping tom.” Hange said opening the door, Eren looked just as embarrassed as Levi felt just then. “Haven’t seen you out and about in a while.” Hange pulled him into the room. Levi suddenly realized how odd the situation he had just walked in on was. 

“What the hell have you been up to with Eren?” Eren’s name felt weird on his tongue and yet right as if it belonged. He looked between them. 

“Not that it’s your business.” Eren’s tone was cutting as he spoke to Levi. “But seeing as I can’t get out of bed without almost falling over, Hange had been keeping me company. And figured if I’m going to be stuck here might as well have someone to talk to.” Eren shrugged at the end. 

“So you sing to just anyone?” Levi tried to make it seem as if it didn’t affect him but Eren shot him the most wicked smile he’d ever seen. 

“Are you jealous? How cute.” Eren’s words were nothing but daggers running Levi through without effort, and it hurt. Levi blinked at Eren. “I don’t remember saying I wanted to see you again.” Eren was unflinching as he tore Levi down. 

“I didn’t fucking ask kid.” Levi hardened himself to Eren’s scathing hits and looked those infuriated gorgeous eyes that bore into him with no remorse. A new confidence over took Levi as he stood there, one he had thought he would never feel again, it was a false confidence like he’d used when Kenny had been home. Pain erupted at the thought of having to use it around Eren. 

Levi took slow paced steps toward the boy laying in the medical bed and standing next to him. He looked at Hange and asked the questions he already knew the answer to thanks to Erwin. “How is he?” Levi’s tone was different, and something Hange had never heard before. 

“H-he’s fine.” She stuttered out which made Eren turn his head toward her and then look back to Levi.

“You want to step back a few feet? I don’t want you this close.” Eren looked at him. 

“Too bad kid.” Levi’s voice gave nothing away which was the only thing he liked about this situation. It felt like a new hole was opening in Levi’s chest, or maybe it was just deepening. He thought of Kenny, and all the things he’d done, how he force Levi into things. Kenny had often told him how he believe Levi would share his marks when he turned 18 so there was no reason to wait. But Levi hadn’t wanted that, and now in a effort to protect himself again Levi was forced into this emotionless state that best served him. 

Levi’s brows were furrowed as he looked Eren over, Eren sat there unmoving and looking at Levi. “Asshole,” Eren spoke catching Levi’s attention. “You look fucking constipated, if you’re going to shit do it somewhere else.” That actually surprise Levi enough for the mask to slip, and then he blinked and it was back. 

“Hange, I think he’s too comfortable.” Levi looked at Hange whose eyes went wide. He only said shit like that after having tortured the shit out of someone and when he wasn’t done with them, when he wanted the to suffer through the pain he’d caused. 

“Fuck off,” It was Eren talking seeming to understand what Levi had meant. “You really like digging don’t you, I’d say your five feet down at the moment and no one it going to be there to help your short ass out.” Levi was blinking again at what Eren had said, but Hange was laughing once again. 

“Oh that was good, you simultaneously reminded him of how much he fucked up and of his height. Damn you know if I didn’t know better I would say that this would have worked out nicely, but yeah he’s right Levi, you need to fucking leave before I put you in another medical bed with much more serious injuries.” Hange had this air about her when she was pissed. It didn’t scare Levi but he knew what she was capable of. He clicked his tongue and turned back to Eren reaching out quickly before Eren could swat his hand away and grabbing the rings around his neck. 

“Maybe I’ll just go get-” Eren’s hand wrapped around Levi’s and his eyes were flames looking into Levi’s.

“You touch him, look at him even and I’ll make sure you really do regret having ever met me. He stays out of this, and that is final, you understand me?” Eren was so close to him, and his heart rate monitor was going ballistic. His hand was squeezing Levi’s in the most uncomfortable way, but Levi didn’t mind he was holding his hand. 

“Okay, I won’t do anything, but you have to let me visit.” Levi watched confusion cross Eren’s face at his request. “I get to see you when I fucking want and your boyfriend lives a long happy life.”

“You understand this isn’t making me like you anymore than I did when Hange brought you in here, right?” He looked as if he pitied Levi just then. “So if that’s what you’re trying for, which I hope it isn’t but I won’t stop you, then maybe try a different tack tick? Like not threatening to kill more people I love?” He had let go of Levi’s hand and was sitting back though Levi kept hold of the necklace. Eren’s words filled the quiet that had begun to hang around them. 

“Fine I’ll leave Jean, alone, won’t even bring him up, or check on him see how he’s doing if you want me to. I don’t fucking care, you name it I’ll do it, but I won’t not see you, so get used to this.” Levi turned around and was about to leave when Eren spoke. 

“Check on him, don’t go near him, but see if he’s okay. I can only imagine, with everything that happened.” His voice was so soft and pained that it hurt Levi to hear it. 

“Yeah, okay, anything else?” Levi’s voice was small and timid. 

“Go to my mom’s funeral? Since I can’t, get her pansy flowers.” Eren was looking at his lap.

“I’ll go. If there’s anything else you can think of Hange has my number have he call me.” Levi left then his chest filled with emotions he wasn’t sure he liked. 

It didn’t take long for Levi to find out when the funeral would be and where the nearest flower shop that sold pansy flowers was, and then he had found Jean’s house, not even fifteen minutes from the site of the crash. Levi thought about how Eren must have been on his way home from here. He thought about the older bruises he had noticed on Eren’s neck that night when they’d taken him and how they must have been in the shape of Jean’s mouth on his skin. There was a burning feeling spread over his body at the thought. He sat there for what felt to be too long thinking about everything.

About how it must have felt for Eren to have to leave Jean and then to find Levi like that, and how Levi still wished more than words that he wasn’t the one for Eren, that he could take it all back. All the years he’d watched the starry sky wishing on the one leaving heaven, he now wanted to change his wish, he wanted Eren to live happily without him, but his selfishness crept up and he decided that he wasn’t letting him go as awful as that was. 

Suddenly the door to Jean house open and a young man walked out, his hair was two toned, blonde on the top and a lighter brown on the bottom. He looked shit, even if Levi had never seen him before he could tell that the by hadn’t slept in too long, and the guilt came slamming into Levi. He looked like that because Eren was missing, Levi knew it, he knew that tomorrow he would walk into a room of people who were grieving and broken waiting for Eren and Grisha to come home. He would talk into a family he was supposed to be apart of but had instead broke apart. 

He let his head fall forward, too overwhelmed with emotion to care, but when a small tap came to his passenger window he jumped look to the long angular face of Jean standing outside waiting for Levi to roll down his window. Levi have promised not to say anything to him, but if he drove away right now like that it would be suspicious. Rolling down the window to allow Jean space to speak he saw the dark circles slowly working a rim around his eyes. 

“Are you- Did you- Do you have information about what happened?” Jean was looking a Levi with such sad vacant eyes. They must have put it in the paper or local news about Eren and Grisha having gone missing and the car crash that had killed Carla Jaeger. Levi felt a lump form in his throat as he shook his head. Disappointment colored Jeans worn out face. 

“I was just in town getting ready for Carla’s funeral. I worked with Eren’s dad, you must be Jean, Grisha talked about you and Eren often.” That softened the look on Jeans face and brought about a small sad smile. Levi noticed Jean reach up and clutch his hand around a thin chain similar to Eren’s own and knew he must have the same mismatched rings hanging from it. 

“Yeah dad was always proud of Eren, and mom-” Jean’s voice broke, as he breathed in shaky breaths. “Mom was, she was the best, but you must have known that. As much as dad liked to talk about Eren he liked to talk about mom more.” It hurt to heard Jean call Eren’s parent mom and dad. That should be me, so fondly talking about my in-laws not him and yet he has more right to than I ever will. He knew Carla, he had spent years with her son and was like one himself to her, Levi could see it, the radiating warmth of lasting memories of the woman he would never know. 

“Mm, lovely woman.” Levi looked out the front windshield. 

“You said you were here for the funeral? Well there’s going to be a small get together, like a pot-luck tonight, a bunch of her recipes and everything.” His eyes became muted and clouded as he thought about it. He breathed in deeply and quick looking back at Levi with a distance in his gaze. “Eren would have loved it, it would have been just the thing-” He trailed of and the facade of happy enthusiasm fell from his face. 

“We don’t know what happened to him yet, don’t feel so bad, I have a feeling he’s out there.” Levi didn’t know what had came over him, comforting Eren’s ex-boyfriend like this, but as he thought about it it would devastate Eren to know the look on Jean’s face if he were here. “How are you doing?’ Levi asked so he could give Eren Jean’s exact words. 

“I’m,” He breathed again. “I’m coping, never would have thought this would happen, it was a lot to take in one night. My party had ended two hours before and-” He looked at the rings in his hand. “My marks didn’t match his, I was expecting to call him in the morning and hear his voice, just for comfort and everything. It was, hard when we found out, but I wasn’t expecting to not have him here.” Levi looked at Jean as it all clicked. 

“You’re 18th birthday was, and he-” Levi looked away again. 

“Yeah, sucks, right? Eren was so, distraught when he left, I just, I don’t want to think about anything bad really having had happened to him.” Jeans hands had not left those rings alone since he’d grabbed them, the played in his hand and taunted Levi. 

“Those rings?” Levi asked his voice strained. 

“Oh, um,” Jean blushed, “ We were so sure, at least we thought we were, and I bought my pair before his birthday and was waiting for mine, but that morning I was moving Eren’s stuff and found a little black box, yeahs so.” Jean looked defeated and Levi felt the exact same way. Eren was going to propose, and so was Jean, just days ago they were ready to commit themselves fully to each other. Levi swallowed a few times pushing the feeling down deep within him. 

“I should get going. But I’ll try to make it to the pot-luck.” Jean nodded. 

“It’s gonna be at the Jaeger’s house, you know where that is right?” Levi nodded and Jean smiled almost happily. “Okay see you there.” Jean stepped back away from the car Levi was in and Levi drove off trying and failing to keep the pain in his chest down. 

Looking over the specifics of the mission Erwin had given him to replace his usual duties of taking care of negotiating with hostages. Armin Arlert lived about two block down from Jean which made Levi wonder if they knew each other. Levi pulled up outside his house and noticed a car parked on the side of the road in front of it even though there was a perfectly good spot in the driveway, there must be someone visiting. Levi sat there waiting for the person to leave, it took three hours for the woman’s form to finally exit the house and enter the car sitting in front. 

He was out and moving to the door as soon as the car had driven off, he knocked abruptly, knuckles hitting the dark wood. Waiting only a minute before a short blonde boy with a blow cut opened the door, he was speaking as if he had expect someone else: “Mikasa you really should go-” His voice trailed off as he looked at Levi who pushed past him and into his living room. “What are you-”

“You’re Armin, right?” Levi looked him over with bored eyes. 

“Yeah and who the hell are you?” He was trying the glare at Levi but the sting was nowhere to be found. 

“Levi, and that’s all you’re getting. We have a proposition for you.” Levi had started looking around Armin’s house, there were dusty pictures of him and an oldman as well as fade old ones of Armin and two people Levi assumed to be Armin’s parents, thought he didn’t find any of Armin and his parents past the age of maybe eight. 

“Who is we? What are you doing here?” Levi had picked up one of the photo’s, it was of Armin, the girl who had left as well as Eren and Jean. Jean had his arm slung haphazardly around Eren’s shoulders. So they did know each other. 

“You know Eren?” Levi question looking right into Armin’s heated gaze and finding it faltering under his own. 

“What do you care about it? Answer me questions.” Armin didn’t back down and Levi had to guess that was something the small boy had picked up from Eren over the years. 

“I can’t promise anything of course, but we might be able to work something out.” It felt odd to be bargaining with someone with Eren however inadvertently he was, and it just, it felt wrong but he had to get Armin on the bandwagon. “Eren’s important to you, yes?” Levi watched Armin’s face change into one of rage, yes he had to have learned that from Eren. 

“Who the hell are you? What the hell do you want and what does it have to do with Eren?” His voice was raised, which made Levi put up his hands placatingly. 

“I mean him no harm, I promise you, and neither do any of my colleagues. I can’t tell you anymore about it unless you agree to coming with me.” Levi watch Armin think over his options. “Calling the cops would be a bad moved by the way, I know I said Eren wouldn’t get hurt, but I can’t stop anything from happening to the Doctor.” Armin’s eyes shot up to his own in disbelief. 

“You have both of them? Then you killed-” Levi’s jaw tighten as he quieted Armin with only a look. 

“Carla was an accident, one I would take back in an instant if I could, but the world doesn’t work that way. It liked to watch you suffer.” Levi’s words were cold and left an ulterior meaning Armin couldn’t understand. 

“So you have them, and they’re safe and will remain that way If I come with you? But why? Why do you need me?” Armin was considering Levi, looking him over as if assessing if he could take him or not and it make Levi smirk. 

“You’re just as Erwin said you would be, digging into matters that don’t involve you and getting yourself into trouble you weren’t looking for. You’re important because you have that unsedatable need to know what’s going on, and have ways in which you can find out. Which is why you’re coming with me, because you want to know what happened to Eren and Grisha.” Levi was moving out of the house without checking to see if Armin was following, because he knew he would. He was right too, as Armin shut the door with a slam and locked it he hurried behind Levi. 

“Eren, he’d okay right?” Armin asked.

“A little beat up from the crash but nothing that won’t heal in time.” Levi didn’t let his emotions show at the thought of Eren hurt. 

“I want to see him, you let me see him and I’ll do whatever you want.” Armin was speaking in a determined voice looking at Levi over the top of the car and getting in quickly as Levi did the same. 

“You can’t say anything about knowing where he is, if you do there is little I can do to save him. Not that I won’t try, but I’m not in charge, and even with the sway I hold there’s only so much Erwin can let slide. You have to keep this to yourself, any of your friends find out and that could be it. I am not letting that happen.” Levi’s voice quaked with un check emotion at the thought of Erwin ordering for anything to happen to Eren. 

“Why do you care so much?” Armin looked at his pointedly.

“I’m sure Eren will fill you in on everything.” Levi drove away then, falling into silence and not answering anymore of Armin’s questions. Pulling into the hidden garage at the base put him more at ease. “Like I said kid, no one knows about this, you understand?” Levi got out and was leading Armin toward the hallway housing Eren’s room. He pulled up outside the door and heard no music from inside which made him deflate a little, he had hoped to hear Eren singing again. 

Levi pushed the door open and walked inside, finding Eren sitting half off the bed as Hange looked him over and put new bandages over small wounds here and there. He was shirtless and it made Levi’s breath hitch in his throat, but he had little time to really think about it as Eren looked beside him and saw Armin, his brows furrowing together in rage he looked at Levi. 

“What the hell did I fucking tell you about going near people I love?” Eren was still not holding any of his punches, this was landed right on Levi’s abdomen. He could feel the air leave him as watch Eren stand. Eren was talked than him and that made something in his chest flutter. 

“Eren!” Armins voice broke Eren out of his stupor, as he looked at his friend. Armin wrapped his arms around Eren ignoring the face he was half dressed. 

“Hey,” Eren’s voice wa soft, so warm, and it pulled at Levi’s heart strings, seeing him be so affectionate with the shorter boy. It hurt. “He didn’t- do anything to you right?” Eren was looking Armin over as if waiting with bated breath to find some mark out of place on him. Levi’s heart constricted as Eren did so, of course he would though, it had been Levi who had brought Armin here, it only made sense to Eren that he would have hurt him someway; he swallowed. 

“I didn’t do shit to him brat.” Levi looked Eren in the eyes even with all those hateful emotions held within them they were Levi’s new favorite things. “Anyways, I checked on Jean like you said, even had a small chat with-” Eren had moved again and was right in front of Lev looking eve so slightly down at him. 

“You did what?” Eren somehow was even more furious. 

“Calm down, he came up to me, I didn’t go to him. If anything I made him feel better.” Eren scoffed at that statement and pushed Levi a little. 

“Maybe you did, but he doesn’t know what I do, and if he did you wouldn’t be standing here.” Eren sounded so sure of that. 

“Please, it’s cute you think he would be strong enough to take me but you don’t know me.” Eren laughed in his face and made anger flare deep within him, no one laughed at him like that, not since Kenny. 

“I don’t want to know you like that Levi, I’m not against fueling your masochistic fantasies, but don’t confuse that for me accepting or forgiving you.” Levi set Eren with the dirtiest of his glares. 

“What the hell is going on?” Armin asked which made Eren pull back, a more comfortable look coming across his face. 

“Hey Armin I want you to met someone,” Eren said pulling Armin to him by his arm, which made Levi suddenly worry about the fact he’d been standing so long, but he kept the request he was going to make for Eren to sit down to himself. “Armin this is Levi.” Eren took his arms now and Levi looked a little confuse but not against Eren feeling of Eren’s hand on his skin. Eren rolled up the sleeves of Levi’s shirt and realized what he was doing but let him do it anyways, liking the eye contact he was holding with Eren. Armin gasped as the marks came into view.

Levi tilted his head at Eren. “My soulmate, nemesis, and the man who killed my mom.” Eren kept Levi’s gaze as he spoke and Levi didn’t look away, owning up to everything Eren said. Armin looked between them for a long time and then sudden spun around running a trembling hand through his hair. 

“Fuck, Eren, goddamn it.” Armin said and Eren released Levi’s arms which made him sad. “You know what Mikasa is going to do when she finds out, and Jean, oh god, I don’t even want to think about what Jean’s gonna do.” He was pacing, and it was the first time, Levi, noticed that Eren didn’t flinch when someone said Jean’s name. “And you,” Armin pointed at Levi’s chest with an accusing finger. “How fucking dare you, you walked into my house, talking a bunch of bullshit, looking at pictures of us with Eren and then you don’t warn me about this? Is this fun to you? You like watching Eren in pain? Fucking look at him.” His hands flapped in Eren’s direction. “You did that.” Armin was finally actually taking in the wrecked state of Eren’s body. 

“Yeah I did, and I’m taking responsibility for it. I’m not running away from it so there’s no reason to throw it in my face thanks. I think I feel pretty shit enough.” Levi looked at Armin and finally decided he’d had it, he gently pushed Eren back toward the bed. Eren looked at him as if disgusted to have been touched by him but said nothing moving toward the bed. 

“Wow, that was, amazing. I think you all could be nominated for Academy Award for that performance.” Hange was now speaking as she walked up to Armin and held out a hand. “I’m Hange Zoe, it is so nice to meet you Armin, Eren talks about you and your friends often.” Armin took her hand and shook him but then recoiled from the touch when Eren spoke. 

“Hange’s not half bad and better than sitting alone in here, but she was with him when it happened.” Eren was tired, Levi could hear it. He get himself back into the bed and laid down letting Armin come stand beside him. “So give it to be straight, I look fucking shit don’t I?” That made Armin laugh and Eren smile. 

“Yeah, you really do. And here I thought that there was no way you could out do yourself with that football injury. You never do disappoint Eren, going above and beyond when given a challenge.” It was Eren laughing this time, and it was the sweetest most intoxicating sound Levi had ever heard even with the sounds of pain. 

“You know me Arm.” It was quiet for a beat before Eren looked at him. “Don’t hold back now, how is everyone?” Armin let out a muffled sob. 

“They’re all fumbling on their own feet, tripping and falling constantly can’t seem to function without you. Mikasa hasn’t slept, Jean either,” That made Eren close his eyes, but Armin continued. “Eleanor’s been planning everything trying her best to stay busy. Jeez, I guess we never realized how much you were around until you weren’t, and mom-” Armin’s voice broke and his shoulders hunched forward allowing the sobs to overtake him. 

Eren reached forward pulling Armin to him, and shushing him soothingly. Armin wrapped his arms protectively around Eren. He shown no signs of pain as he held Armin to him. “I’m the one who’s supposed to be comforting you silly.” Amrin said pulling away from Eren who only smiled. 

“Having you here is enough for me Arm.” Levi’s heart skipped a beat then. Even though Eren have been made at him and wouldn’t say it he was happy Armin was there, and it made Levi happy knowing he was the one who had brought him there. Unwillingly Levi broke the content silence that had settled in the room, as his phone went off with Erwin’s mane flashing over the top.

“Fuck, Armin we have to go.” Levi gestured for Armin to follow him but stopped when Eren spoke to him. 

“He’s coming back right?” Eren looked at Levi imploringly. 

Levi nodded to him. “Yes, he’s coming back. I promise.” 

Armin followed him down the winding halls to Erwin’s office where he threw the doors open and found a moody looking Erwin who was grumbling at his phone about Levi being a prick. Levi raise an eyebrow at that, giving Erwin a bland look. Erwin straighten up in his chair and looked between Levi and Armin standing in the doorway. 

“Are you Erwin?” Armin asked simply moving into the room. Erwin nodded and was about to say something but Armin was up in his face. “Why the fuck do you think it’s okay to kidnap people? Who the hell said you could do as you wanted with people’s lives without there being consequences?” Erwin looked at him in confusion and then looked at Levi.

“Eren’s friend.” Was all Levi said, but it was enough as realization flooded the older man. 

“It is quite unfortunate that this-” Armin was yelling at Erwin. 

“Unfortunate? His mom is dead, dead, as in not ever coming back, and you might not think much of it, but that woman was his world.” A pang went through Levi which his ignored. “And his soulmate, are you kidding me, its like shit couldn’t fucking get worse. And here I was all caught in the all the problems you’ve been causing I should have guessed that Doctor Jaeger was on your list somewhere. I know he does all that ‘classified’ shit but he really should get a better security question, everyone know Eren’s birthday it isn’t that fucking hard to guess either.” Armin was talking avidly and throwing his hands every which way, and Erwin let him. 

“You know what Doctor Jaeger was working on?” Erwin looked at Armin who suddenly stopped everything sn shrunk in on himself. 

“What?” He asked. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He was an awful liar, Levi though to himself as he moved to do his job. He pull one hand on the back of Armin’s neck and pulled him close bringing their faces within inches of each other. His back arching forward making Armin do the same as if they were telling secrets in a crowded hallway. 

“Hey Armin, I know I told Eren you were coming back but I never said anything about what condition you would be in, and while I won’t be the one taking care of you that doesn’t mean I won’t let Erwin get his hands a little dirty.” Levi looked pointedly at the man making sure he understood that Levi was serious, if it came to hurting Armin Levi couldn’t be the one to do it. 

“No wonder Eren fucking hates you.” Armin said then pulling away from Levi. He didn’t seem impressed by their display of force. “Fine I don’t give a shit whatever, but you don’t touch me again.” Armin pointed at Levi who nodded. “I’m not completely sure what he’s been doing, there’re experiments with test subjects, but everything is in code or heavily encrypted. I only have so much time before they shut me out, but they don’t pay enough attention and I can hack in again. Only thing is I never have enough to to download anything and really read it.” He shrugged as he did as Levi have at his house, looking over the furniture and little decor around the room. 

 

“What if we could provide you that time?” Erwin was watching Armin who looked at his startled and then he nodded slowly. 

“If you could then I might be able to get some of the data for you, however I would need something in return.” He looked at Erwin who smiled knowingly. 

“We could negotiate a way for the to work. But Eren would have to be willing to keep it quiet about what actually happened and you would have to help us unencrypt the data and with the code of course.” Armin didn’t even think about it he threw his hand out.

“Deal, but I’m going to need Eren’s help. And my own office, also he needs a better room, I guess I would be fine if you gave him a room and I used it as the office. I’ll need a salary too, I don’t work for free, and have have bills to pay in the meantime.” Erwin’s smile at Armin’s demands was otherworldly, it was as if Erwin had just met his other half, though Levi assumed Armin already had a soulmate and so felt sorry for the bastard. 

“I’ll have a room setup,” Armin cut in again.

“Away from Levi’s.” And Erwin nodded and gave Levi and a look of apology. 

“A room away from Levi’s, though no promised he won’t show up anyway,” Levi smirked at Armin who gave him a dirty look. “A salary for expenses, and bills, and an office for yourself attached to Eren’s room.” Armin nodded and took Erwin’s hand sealing the deal, but even as he held the man’s hand he spoke. 

“I’ll need this on paper and signed by yourself and Levi along with Eren’s release noted on the document incase anyone gets any smart ideas.” There was a glint in Erwin’s eyes as he looked up at Armin, it was as if he were about to get down on one knee and propose, or maybe fuck him against the wall Levi couldn’t decide. 

“I’ll have it drafted up as soon as you leave and ready to be signed when you come back.” Armin’s eyes flittered over to Levi who looked at him. 

“I want to see Eren again now.” Levi rolled his eyes and nodded. He took Armin back through all the maze like halls and stopped in front of Eren’s door letting him open it. Eren’s eyes were on the door as the two walked in again. 

“What was that about?” Eren tilted his head at Armin. 

“They know we know shit about dad’s experiments.” Eren’s eyes went wide but recovered quickly. 

“You’re in on this too?” Levi looked at him questioningly. 

“Of course he is. Are you kidding me? This is Eren, but then again you must not have had much of a chance for chatting as you rammed into his car-” Levi was nearly ready to give up on this whole don’t hurt the fucker thing. 

“Oi, brat-” Levi snapped to attention when Eren called his name in a growl. 

“Levi.” His voice was so commanding. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Levi looked at his with burning eyes that matched Erens. 

“Anyways, they’re going to find away to give us enough time to look into everything and hopefully download some of it,” Armin held Eren’s attention completely again as he sat down on the bed with Eren. “We’re going to break the code and encrypted files.”

“I suck at that shit Armin.” The boy before Eren laughed and nodded at that. 

“Yes you do, but you’re useful when you want to be and I need you to be which means you’ll do it.” Armin looked pleased with himself then but Eren nodded knowing he was right. 

“Yeah okay, but Mikasa would be better, though I can’t see them letting her in here. There’s no way she would keep if quite.” Armin hummed in affirmation. 

“You’re definitely right about that,” He looked straight at Eren which made the other look him the the eyes. “There another thing, with this deal when we’re done you’re free to go, but only if you don’t say a thing about what actually happened.” Eren nodded thinking about it his eyes dropped from Armin’s.

“So mom’s case won’t close and I’ll live knowing exactly who killed her but that I can do nothing about it.” Armin rubbed Eren’s arm. “Fine, I’ll do it. I won’t say shit about what happened, but I don’t want to see you after this Levi.” Levi jumped a little hearing his name come from Eren, slowly he picked up on what Eren had said and then nodded. 

“Never, I swear.” Levi looked him in the eyes, liked he’d practiced all those years as he’d waited for the boy to find him, though the context was not the same as the one he’d hoped for, and a breathtaking ache took over his chest as Eren nodded.


	3. Deep shit.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okay so first of all I'm sorry if you find that I slipped into first person point of view I really didn't mean to but I notice it and changed what I saw but that doesn't mean I didn't do it before then and catch it.

Levi stood still feeling so out of place and insecure as he watch mourning people line up with plates and fill them with food made from the recipes Carla had given them. There was light chatter here and there, children running around and laugher floating around. It felt so wrong to him, he wished they were sadder, less reminiscent. He knew people had spent the last three days in utter denial of what happened and crying their eyes out and could tell too just by looking at them, but here now in the Jaeger’s gorgeous backyard it was as if there had never been sadness crushing their chests. 

Trying to ignore the feeling in his chest Levi looked about the yard, noting the trees, all fully matured and tower over everyone. There was a old willow tree, its leaves swaying in the wind, looking closer he could make out a swing. Levi didn’t much care if anyone saw him at the moment, he walked past the leaves and took a seat of the old worn wood that was held up by two thick lines of rope. He let hi legs kick out a little pushing himself so he was swinging. 

Levi lost himself there thinking about what it would have looked like had Eren been there. Had Eren’s mother still been alive, cooking the food laid out on those tables herself for them as they sat together in blissful happiness. He let day-dreams of him and Eren happy together take over, knowing full well this was the only way he would ever allowed these warm feeling. Levi tired to imagine Eren’s eyes look at him the way the look at Armin and had almost perfected the image in his mind when he heard someone come up to him. 

It was the girl from Armin’s house, she had a deep red scarf wrapped tightly around her neck. She looked him over curiously. She was about to speak to him when Armin’s voice called out to her as he walked under the leaves himself. “Oh, sorry we disturbed you.” Armin had made a mask of indifference when Levi had arrived. He knew he would be there because Levi had told Eren who had hummed in appreciation, nodding in consent to Levi. Armin had asked why Eren was okay with it but Eren hadn’t said anything, he’d changed the subject and Levi wasn’t mad about it, even just having this one thing between them was enough for him. 

“No, it’s okay, this place belongs to you, not me.” He saw Armin’s eyes widen in surprise as he stepped away from the swing gesturing for the to use this small secluded area. 

“Who are you?” The girl, Mikasa, Eren had mentioned her earlier Levi thought, had asked him. He looked up at her with a light smile, the likes of which Armin had yet to see, and for a moment Armin almost thought Levi was handsome. 

“I’m Levi. I worked with Grisha.” Mikasa looked him over with a thoughtful furrow in her brow. 

“He never mentioned a Levi.” She spoke in an indifferent tone that held accusation. 

“That is too bad, though I have heard more than enough stories of Eren and his friends to fill a lifetime.” This time the smile held a hint of sadness Armin knew Levi hadn’t meant it to, it actually made Armin think of how all this had affected Levi. 

How long had Levi waited for Eren wondering why his marks matched, and who they would belong to as well? Had he planned something special for the ‘moment’, what would that have been like? Armin suddenly felt very ove aware of Levi’s feelings, and how much it must have hurt him to find out it was Eren of all people. Without a chance for happiness, never having been given the benefit of the doubt, the Fates had given him a losing hand which he hadn’t asked for. Something soft came over Armin, however guarded it was, Levi was as much in pain over this as Eren was. Levi had lost too, though it in no way over shadowed what Eren had lost Armin still felt he deserved this time to grieve what he could have had. 

Armin could tell Levi had been lost in thought when they’d walked in on him, completely unprepared for people to see him so vulnerable. He thought he could imagine what he’d been thinking about. Levi made a move to leave them and Armin held out a hand stopping his departure. “Why don’t you stay with us?” Confusion and distrust ran across the man’s sullen face. “Seriously we all lost something, don’t discount your feeling and feel invalid in them. Your allowed this.” Armin looked at Levi who was studying him, but he moved back. 

“Then I’m keeping the swing, you’ll have to sit on the floor. I don’t care for messes.” Levi’s words were dry, but welcome and they made Armin laugh. 

“Eren’s nothing but an organized mess.” That made Mikasa laugh as she agreed, and Levi hummed, listening intently to the two talk about Eren. 

“That is ture. It is quieter and there is less to clean up, but I’d still rather have him here. It he was everyone would be laughing. He has a way with people like nothing I’ve seen before. Endless charm.” Mikasa had a wonderful smile Levi noted. 

“Oh yes, and his singing!” Levi nodded at that thinking back to when he’s stood outside Eren’s door earlier. “He’s the best dancer, Jean could never keep up with Eren always stumbling after him but you Mikasa you could hold your own out there.” 

“You forget that we took the classes together Armin.” Levi sat there in awe of all the things he was learning about Eren, smiling like and idiot and he didn’t mind it. Eren’s life had been so happy and full of life, polar opposite of his own, and that made him happier than he’d ever been. Eren could get through this, his friends would keep him on his feet and he would make it. He could be happy again and that thought was the only thing keeping Levi sane right now. 

He hadn’t realized his emotions had begun to show themselves so freely until he felt the warm wetness of a tear rolling down his face. Armin was watching him, his eyes holding Levi’s as he begged Armin silently not to say anything to Eren about this. He shook his head wiping the tears off with the back of his hand. “Sounds like you all had such a fantastic childhood together.” He said his voice rough with the sadness he was holding back. 

“We did.” Armin said still taking in the sight of Levi crying, all of this was too much for him and he looked away trying to get himself back under control. Someone called Mikasa’s name making her jump up, as she got up Armin moved closer to Levi. “I’m sorry you got dealt bad cards, I realize now that this isn’t how you’d have wanted things to have gone between the two of you. I don’t forgive what you did, but I can talk to Eren, no promises-” 

Levi shook his head, clenching his jaw. “No Armin, it’s fine, with your help and given time he will be okay. He doesn’t need me.” Armin’s eyes held so much heartache then. “Don’t look at me like that, I’ve been selfish enough, and when he leaves that will be it Armin. I don’t deserve more than that.” Levi left then walking back out into the broken rays of twilight falling through the foliage of the trees around the tables. 

He didn’t eat much but wanted to at least try the food knowing it in no way would be exactly the same as how Eren’s mother would have made it, but it was nice to pretend while he could. In his mind he was sitting next to Eren holding his hand under the table smiling at the soft eyes of a mother finally allowed the happiness of knowing her son was loved more than anything else, and the best part of someone else’s life. Finally someone else would understand how she’d felt his whole life. He imaged asking humbling for Eren’s hand in marriage like some old-timey asshole just so Eren could marvel at the romance of it all. 

What he wouldn’t have done to have that, to have known the feeling of Eren’s head on his shoulder, of having Eren kiss him. He was so lost in it all he didn’t notice Jean sitting down next to him until Jean spoke. “Hey.” Levi jumped nearly out of his seat. Ever since Eren had showed up Levi had been much more jumpy than he usually was. 

“Oh hi, Jean.” He looked surprise but then seemed to push that away. 

“I didn’t catch your name this morning.” Jean smile at him but the dark circles were still pronounced. 

“Levi.” He nodded holding out a hand. 

“It’s nice to officially met you, I’ve been looking for you, but couldn’t find you, almost thought you hadn’t made it.” He was talkative and it wasn’t unwelcome it brought Levi from painful thoughts. “Looks like you’ve finished most of your food now so you must’ve been here a while.” His eyes became distant as he spoke the next sentence. “The roast is Eren’s favorite, I made it.” He looked at Levi half way through but looked back down. Levi decided then to try the roast, oh yeah that was good, and he hummed his approval which made Jean smile again. 

He thought it was the least he could do to cheer up Eren’s ex considering all he’d done. Though it still hurt, this man loved Eren, but couldn't have him, and neither could Levi, boy weren’t they just two peas in a pod. The rest of the night droned on and Levi found himself oddly comforted in Jean presence as if there was nothing more to worry about. He returned to base quietly and was even left to himself without word from Hange or Erwin. 

_____________________________________________

Then next two weeks were different, Armin doesn’t seem to hate my as much and has since decided that sending a small pitying smile my way when I do get the chance to sneak into his office. Whatever that’s about I’m not sure but seeing Eren makes me forget about it. He’s a real dope when it comes to a lot of things but he’d learning quickly, and he’d determined so I’ll give him that. I’m not allowed in his bedroom per-Armin’s new set of rules, and not that I could blame him for being worried, I just don’t see why Armin would think I would ever dream of doing something to Eren which would work against me. And that pisses me off. 

Either way as I’m walking down the hall on my way to Armin’s office I can hear music coming from the other side of the door along with shuffling. Clapping with intermittent snapping starts up as I get closer, and I can hear the roll of wheels, there’s a high pitched laughing that mixes easily with the sounds. When I open the door Eren is mid dramatics singing loudly, well the sound proofing around here works semi-well I think to myself. He’s singing to Armin while the man pretends to be some kind of sex god. 

“You're doing flips, read our lips you're in love  
You're way off base  
I won't say it  
Get off my case  
I won't say I'm in love

I won't say I'm in love  
I won't say I'm in love

No chance, no way, I won't say it, no, no  
Give up, give in  
Check the grin, you're in love!  
The scene won't play  
I won't say I'm in love

You're doing flips read our lips you're in love  
You're way off base  
I won't say it  
Girl, don't be proud, it's OK, you're in love.” Eren finishes the song before he turns to look at me, his breathing is fast and his chest heaves in wondrous ways. 

“Oh hi Levi.” Armin says catching my attention and pulling it from a grinning Eren. 

“Hi, what is this?” I point between them and Armin laughs. 

“Eren gets really into singing” He didn’t quite seem as into this new song as the last one but I could tell he was mumbling the words under his breath. 

“Don’t let me stop you,” I look at him gesturing for him to continue. “Just remember you’re still injured.” His eyes travel over me quickly as the song changes and then there's another grin taking over his face, and it take everything in me to keep standing when he’s looking at me like that. I’d only ever imagined it before and then he’s singing again leaning back in his chair and dancing with in it confines. 

“Knew he was a killer first time that I saw him  
Wonder how many girls he had loved and left haunted  
But if he's a ghost, then I can be a phantom  
Holdin' him for ransom  
Some, some boys are tryin' too hard  
He don't try at all, though  
Younger than my exes but he act like such a man, so  
I see nothing better, I keep him forever  
Like a vendetta-ta  
I-I-I see how this is gon' go  
Touch me and you'll never be alone  
I-Island breeze and lights down low  
No one has to know  
In the middle of the night, in my dreams  
You should see the things we do, baby  
In the middle of the night, in my dreams  
I know I'm gonna be with you  
So I take my time  
Are you ready for it?” The words he’s singing register but I can’t seem to find sense in any of it as he swings around and comes close to me. Some would think it’s too close for comfort but we’re soulmates, there are no limits to how close we should be allowed to be. And even as he pulls away I want to pull him closer, to feel him against my body, to know the warmth he’s shown Jean, to understand the stars I saw in Jean’s eyes when he spoke about Eren.  
The thought comes to me about how much everyone was suffering by just not having him near. He is so completely loved by everyone in his life and here I am torn to shreds all with one look as I try to piece together this make believe love. He doesn’t need my love but I need his. He would belong to a small group of people who care about me, one of three, but I fucked it all and now everything I could ask for is at my fingertips but I have pull away. I have to give him up, so why not take in everything I can before then.  
The day’s have started blending together, so much of it is spend in the company of Armin and Eren and I can’t help but feel happy. Armin is a hard ass when he wants to be but more than anything he wants to let Eren have that small happiness when he’s around. They take walks through the facility sometimes, talking about whatever and Eren smiles like a fool and I find it hard to look away. I may or may not have run into a few wall because of this but no one has to know that. Though as their time spent here stretches out into a month and a half Armin starts to bring up concerns about their friend Mikasa.  
“She’s been asking me where I run off to everyday, and work is no longer a good enough answer for her.” He’s whispering to Eren as if I’m not paying rapt attention to everything the duo do.  
“You can’t tell her about this place, if she finds me she is not going to sit by and just let this continue.” Eren was speaking now and he sounded exhausted.  
“So what are we going to do boys?” I interrupt them, and both look at me but Eren doesn’t seem quite surprised.  
“You are doing shit.” He tells me and a nod.  
“Well either I can take care of it nicely or Erwin and send someone to shut her up so if you want to lose a friend I won’t stop you.” His eyes were on fire in a way they hadn’t been in weeks.  
“If you take care of this you promise nothing happens to her.” Eren sounds like he's pleading with me and it makes me mad he thinks he had to.  
“There’s not need to beg, I told you, you say it I do it.” I can’t help the frown on my face, but I lean in closer to him his face inches from mine. “And I mean that. I won’t do anything if you don’t tell me to.” For a moment he seems surprised by the proximity by doesn’t pull away.  
“Okay, so what do you say we do to get Mikasa off of this?” Eren is still close and I’m not ready to give this up so I keep my place.  
“We get her a job.” I say and he pulls away confused.  
“Get her a job where, Levi? She can’t work here, she won’t let you keep me here, she’ll tell the police if she knows.” I nodded along with what he’s saying.  
“You maybe right, but she has an attachment to your father, right?” He looks at me with so much hate that those few smiles he’d thrown my way seem to disappear.  
“My dad has nothing to do with this.” Yeah he’s still mad Erwin won’t let him see the man. As far as I know Grisha is fine just not cooperative, which is strange considering Erwin does have people hanging Eren’s life over the man’s head, though I would never let that happen. Thinking about it the man doesn’t seem all that concerned for Eren’s well being at all. If someone had taken Eren and was using him against me I would give in the moment they said his name. Which really isn’t the best thing considering the line of work I’m in but it’s true.  
“Your dad, are you two close?” I look at Eren who is suddenly ever guarded and with drawn.  
“Why do you care?” He bites and I roll my eyes.  
“We’ve had men in there this whole time trying to break him. Even when Erwin allows them to drop your name, which isn’t often, and I won’t let that happen not matter what they’ve promised him they’ll do to you, they’d have to kill me first, he doesn’t seem all that worried about what could hypothetically happen to you. Would you like to explain that to me?” Eren is looking at me skeptically.  
“Grisha’s always been a dick, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about Eren.” Armin is the one talking and Eren shots him a murderous look. “Grisha worked a lot when Eren was a kid, that and Eren was pretty sick as well. Actually that’s how we all became such good friends. We were all sick as kids.”  
“Sick how?” I look Eren and Armin over, there’s no signs of a childhood illness.  
“We were all in the hospital for over a year.” Armin states as if it’s nothing.  
“Who is we? And when?” There’s something not adding up here if they had truly been that sick there would be signs.  
“Eren, Mikasa, Jean, and Me, then Marco when he moved in, it was second grade?” Armin is looking at Eren who nods. “Eren got it first and then it didn’t take long.”  
“There were three others who don’t live around here anymore.” Armin nods remembering it.  
“Yeah you were way closer with them than we were, they left before we did though a few months.” Armin was thinking hard about something. “Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie.” He said their names and seemed proud he remembered. “Did you keep in touch?” He was looking at Eren.  
“Bert and I tried but time got in the way and there was always less of it as we grew up. I don’t know if he eve still lives in the same place.” Eren shrugs.  
“What was the illness? Was it the same for everyone.?” They looked at each other trying to think back on such an old memory. Eren seemed really distraught as he tried and failed to come up with an answer, but Armin looked full on disturbed as he realized something.  
“They never said, I just remember being taken one day to this weird hospital, it wasn’t normal.” He was looking down and Eren had a funny look on his face.  
“Pull up a picture of the facility my dad works in.” His voice was momotone and it made me feel weird. Amrin did as Eren said and this awful look came over him while Eren just looked to the ceiling spaced out as if memories were surfacing which he hadn’t ever truly thought about having been content with the story his parents had given him.  
“How did you-” Armin looked at Eren but Eren said nothing and Armin just sat there.  
“I noticed the test subjects birthdays, and I thought it was a strange coincidence, thought now I’m just disappointed I didn’t notice before. It was so obvious after Jean’s I should have realized.” He shook his head.  
“We’re the test subjects.” Armin whispered looking up himself.  
“My dad did this.” Eren and Armin just sat there for a long while and then Eren moved looking back at me. “We’re going to need Mikasa. Actually we should just bring everyone here.” Then he looked to Armin. “You think if I gave you Reiner, Bert, and Annie’s old addresses you could find them?” Armin nodded.  
“I thought you said it was a bad idea to get Mikasa involved? And getting everyone else here, we can’t-” Eren was standing and he was so close again.  
“I say it, you do it, right?” He raised an eyebrow at me, and I close my eyes cursing myself for saying that. “Get them Levi, they’ll work with us. Hell I’m not even doing this to leave anymore,” His words make me open my eyes again. “I need to know, I want to understand. I won’t leave until we know everything, but we need them here to.”  
“I’ll get them, okay, you don’t have to beg.” I when to Erwin after that and explained exactly what had happened and told him what Eren had told me to do and that I was going to do it. He’d approved reluctantly but he really didn’t have a choice I wasn’t asking. No matter when Erwin said I wasn’t going to be coming back without at least two more of Eren’s friends. The thought of bringing Jean here was beginning to eat as me but I pushed it away and tried to keep myself together as I got in the car with Armin.  
“How are we going to convince them to come-” Armin hold his phone up and I look at it, it's a picture of him and Eren taken today. I look up at him. “That’s your plan?” Armin laughs.  
“Trust me the time stamp with be enough, that and Eren.” He smiled looking out the front windshield as we drove out and into town. It would take us forty minutes at most to get to the suburbs. The ride was silent aside form Armin texting asking where everyone was or maybe telling them to meet us somewhere.  
“They’ll be at Eren’s house, since he asked me to get somethings for him.” Armin speaks and I hum, letting him know I heard him. It takes us not time at all to pull up outside Eren’s house. It looks just the same as it did nearly two months ago, but there were leaves starting to fall on the drive as the trees swayed. It wasn’t close to fall yet but right here under the canopy it looked as if it were mid October. Pulling up in front of the old farmhouse the Jaegers called home it was easy to see the three cars parked outside.  
“Okay let’s get this over with.” Levi said as they existed the car and walled up the few steps to the semi-wrap around porch. Armin pulled the screen door open and used a spare key he had on his keyring. They really were close if he had a key, and then it occured to Levi that everyone else who was in the house must have had one too.  
Stepping into the house Levi was greeted with something he hadn’t been expecting. The whole house had been renovated, and was much more modern than the outside suggested, the only thing remotely original was the woodwork, it was all white walls with pops of color in the furniture. Armin seemed complete unphased by the change and moved swiftly through the space toward the back of the house which must be where everyone was waiting for them. Pictures litter the walls we pass as well as a few tables and buffets on our way to the kitchen where I can now hears voices. Walking in Armin opens the frig and pulls himself out and water and gestures to Levi as if asking if he’d like one too, he nods, as everyone goes silent.  
“Why is Levi here?” Jean asks looking him over in confusion.  
“Cause he needs to be. Now I’m going to tell you guys what’s been going on and no one it going to say anything until I’m done.” Armin looked around at everyone who seemed to understand how serious all of this was by Armin’s tone, he hands me the water and goes to stand in front of the island in the middle of everything. “Levi is responsible for the crash,” Mikasa is up and moving and Jean is staring at me like he couldn’t believe what Armin had just said. “Mikasa sit down.” Armin yells making her stop and look at him in the most hurt and upset way.  
“That isn’t true.” Jean said still looking at me and then looking at Armin as if to elaborate. I take a deep breath and speak.  
“It is.” And Jean’s breaking all over again and I feel so shit. If Eren only fucking knew.  
“But that’s not the problem here.” Armin spoke breaking in.  
“How is that not the problem, and why the fuck are you being all friendly with him? Why aren’t you calling the police?” Armin stared Mikasa down.  
“You want to explain to Eren why the fuck his soulmate is serving a life sentence in maximum security?” Mikasa’s eyes widen, and Jean literally looked sick.  
“You.” He looked, fuck, words can’t explain the look on his face, and it hurt to keep his eyes.  
“Me.” I looked away then unable to say anything else or face him just then either. It was one thing with Eren but a completely different thing with Jean. Jean looked as if I’d just ran him through with a knife.  
“Not what we need to be talking about.” Armin interjects. “Anyways, Eren’s fine, I’ve seen him, that’s where I’ve been going.” He ignores Mikasa as she tries to say something. “We need to get some shit and then you’re all coming with us.” He moved to pull his phone out and hands it to Mikasa who seems sedated with the picture of Eren and Armin. Amrin grabs my arm breaking me out of the trance like state I was in. “Come on.” He leads me up the stairs and to the second floor but continues until we reach another pair of stairs he climbs them with me still following.  
As we reach the top it becomes all too clear that this is Eren’s room. It’s the converted attic, with high angular ceiling, and jutting window nooks. One of the nooks is just big enough to fit Eren’s queen sized bed which has been butted up between the walls. There’s no true separating walls in the room it’s just open space. Another of the nooks is filled with clothes on hangers being held up by those arty metal clothes racks. It’s completely opposite of how I’d thought it would be.  
Armin notices me looking around so captivated by my surroundings and he laughs a little. “You like it?” He looks around himself, and I nod.  
“It’s not what I expected, you said Eren was a mess.” And he laughs again, I know I’m smiling but I can’t help it, this is so Eren it hurts.  
“Yeah, he is, but not outwardly.” Armin’s started going through things. I see him open Eren’s desk top up signing in. “Eren gave me the password before we left though I should have already known, he’s too easy to read really.” Armin explained to me.  
“So what is it then?” Armin looks up at me and smiles sadly.  
“The day he and Jean started dating.” Jean was at the top of the stairs then looking around the room.  
“January 20, 2013.” Jean is moving forward into the room. His words ringing in my ears, of course he would remember the day as well. “It was a dare. Everyone said we looked like we were dating anyways so why not? And then Hitch dare us and we aren’t one for turning down a dare, though no one really thought it would go this far.” He was picking something up off one of the few dressers. I hum along with what he was saying, Eren didn’t talk about it much and Armin was always with Eren so it wasn’t as it Levi could ask him about it.  
“You don’t,” Jean breathed in and Levi looked at him waiting for him to continues his question. “You and Eren, there isn’t, you guys haven’t-” He trailed off looking away.  
“Nothing’s happened. Honestly the furthest anything’s gone is him smiling at me.” I tell Jean the truth feeling there’s no reason not to, Eren will say just about the same thing when we get back. “Having Armin around has helped a lot, he has other things to focus on now, and with everything about his dad now I don’t think I’m the most pressing of his worries.” Armin hums to that and then turns to Jean.  
“Could you start packing a bag for Eren? He hates those clothes you guys keep buying him.” Armin doesn’t hold back with the comment and I just shrug.  
“Wasn’t me.” I thought about how Hange had gone fucking crazy buying clothes and asking all these questions and then deciding that she would just buy whatever she thought he’d look good in. Jean went about the ‘closest’ area with a duffel back grabbing clothes here and there looking them over and then putting a few back deciding Eren wouldn’t want them.  
Mikasa is the next to come up followed closely by the other guy who seemed as if he’d never been here before and was just as interested in everything as I was. His eyes were wide taking in the room as his trailed over all the things Eren had left there. His bed was unmade, there were a few shoes not on the shoe rack, a hamper of dirty laundry in the ‘closet’, some trash in the bin next to his desk, and a water bottle of two sitting on top of the wood surface.  
“Also Levi,” Armin caught my attention and I looked at him forgetting where I’d left off with my tour of Eren’s room. “Eren asked me to ask you to get him a phone.”  
“Why?” I wasn’t against it, it just seemed weird that he would have asked Armin to ask me.  
“Does he need a reason?” Mikasa’s tone had an edge to it that didn’t do anything to intimidate me.  
“No, I meant why didn’t he ask me himself?” I look at her with a bored expression and then back to Armin.  
“He thought you were mad after how he’d talked to you. You get a foul look on your face sometimes and he doesn’t know if he should bother you.” Armin says it as if it’s nothing.  
“I wasn’t mad, I just wasn’t looking forward to having to fight with Erwin. We can stop and get him a phone on our way back.” Fuck what Erwin said about it, I didn’t much care if Eren had a phone or not but if he wanted one then I’d get him one, though I’d have to make sure he knew not to do anything. Just then Eren’s words from earlier played through Levi’s head. He wanted to know what was going on, and since he couldn’t leave but his friends could it made sense for him to have a phone and keep in contact with them in case anything happens.  
“So what you’re going to buy Eren’s love?” Mikasa was talking again and I looked at her, who was this girl and what the hell was her issue?  
“No, he asked and I told him if he asked I’d do it. Honestly it makes sense since he isn’t allowed to leave, not my choice, he needs to be able to get in touch with you guys who can and I don’t have time to be a message carrier all the time. So we’ll get him and phone and Erwin and suck if the fuck up.” Armin snorted at that.  
“Who’s Erwin?” The freckle kid was talking, at some point he had gravitated toward Jean which Levi thought was weird but said nothing about. Even if it looked as though he was a little too attached to him, it was none of his business, but maybe he’d ask Armin or Eren about it.  
“Erwin is the fucker who makes all the decisions. He told me to get Grisha Jaeger and I did, told me to find Armin and here he is. He tells you to do it and you do.” Levi explained.  
“He’s your boss.” And he nodded.  
They didn’t waste time at the Jaegers house, Armin found what he needed on Eren’s computer and downloaded it onto a usb and grabbed a few cd’s from the collection on one of Eren’s shelves. Everyone piled into the car Levi and Armin had borrowed from the base, and they were off. It took them thirty minutes to reach the closest best buy. Everyone seemed to decided that they were going to follow Levi inside which he didn’t mind until they were all standing there in putting their opinions.  
“What phone did he have before.” Levi said letting the annoyance color his voice.  
“Iphone seven plus, matte black.” Armin spoke and Levi smiled happy to have someone cooperating with him.  
“Well I don’t see a point in changing it up now.” He said and went to tell the man, calling out to Armin as he did. “Get a case for it, yeah?” Armin nodded and went about doing so. Mikasa had followed Levi to the small desk and sat down next to him while Jean stood behind with- Marco? Amrin made it back over them as the man was setting up the phone explaining shit Levi didn’t care about.  
“You want to sign in?” The man asked and Levi shook his head.  
“It’s for someone else.” He said and the man looked around him at all the people. “He isn’t here right now.” Levi felt anger well in him for some odd reason, this guy was just pissing him off cause of all the dick bag kids sitting around him too fucking close.  
“Well usually we like to have the person here to make sure-” Armin cut him off.  
“We’ll be fine thank you. It isn’t that hard to understand and eve if something goes wrong I’ve got that covered so could we hurry up here?” He sounded just as impatient as Levi felt. The man nodded and cased up the phone again handing it over and ringing up the case Armin had picked out. They hurried out of there Armin hold both. As the got into the car Armin opened the thing up pulling out a few tools Levi hadn’t noticed before now.  
“What’s that?” Levi asked watching out of his peripheral as armin open up the phone.  
“Just making sure no one’s going to hack him, if we’re going to be doing this shit we need to make sure than anyone we don’t want knowing doesn't have a way to find out. I do this to everyone’s phones.” Mikasa made an indignant sound. “Please Mikasa if you knew all the things people do with the shit they find on this stuff you’d be thanking me. Anyways I’ll need to do it to Marco’s phone. It’s strange we were never really close friends.” Armin looked back at him with a wild smile holding his hand out asking for Marco’s phone. “Thank you.” He said as the boy handed over his phone to him.  
“So what you block it from happening?” Levi asked seriously interested.  
“You know the government watches what we do, so to make it easier on themselves they put a device in the phone. I just take it out. So now they actually have to work to see what we’re doing which usually and it works because none of them want to actually do any work.” He laughed, and it made sense. It was how we broke in all the time, you find an area where they do the least amount of work and sneak in there because they won’t be expecting it.  
We were all mostly quiet until we got back to the base Mikasa nearly fucking ripped my head off screaming about how she wanted to see Eren but we had to go to Erwin so he could work out agreement with them like he had Armin. The man’s face fucking lit up when Armin walked in followed closely by myself as well as all the children Eren had made me bring. If I wasn’t so far up shit creek I would tell him off for making me do this but as it was I needed to get brownie points where I could, and this seemed like the best way.  
“Armin, how nice to see you.” Erwin had a shit eating grin on his face.  
“Yeah, yeah. Okay, so we’ll figure this out but whatever the fuck was done to us means nothing and it in no way means you have any right to use us in anyway. One we know what happened and what we want to do about it this is over and we leave like nothing happened, we still get Eren back and I guess do whatever with Grisha.” His voice is demanding and straight forward leaving no room for argument, but Erwin counters anyways.  
“Depending on the gravity of the situation at hand I cannot agree to that. What the Doctor has done is yet to be seen and so must be found out, if you will agree to tests being run by our resident scientists, as well as keep all communication open, on a new contract.” Erwin was so diplomatic and controlled and it made me mad.  
“These tests, what are they?” Armin asked, while everyone stayed quite realizing he was best suited for this. Honestly Levi was more on their side than his, when it came to Eren he and Erwin just didn’t see eye to eye.  
“Blood work, IQ, body mass index, muscle growth, the basics to get an overall feel for the work of your bodies see if there are any odd improvements. Hange said Eren healed amazingly well and in no time at all, almost unnaturally.” Erwin voice held a tone Levi didn’t like.  
“No one is touching Eren.” Levi spoke up which caught the man’s attention.  
“Levi, please, no one said anything bad was going to-” Levi cut him off.  
“If Hange is involved there is no way to make sure that she doesn’t decide he needs a broken arm all in the name of science and that is not happening.” Levi looked pissed and Armin decided then was a good time to speak up.  
“He’s right we won’t agree to testing which would leave us in any real pain. Eren’s been through enough at your hands anyways.” Erwin seemed to consider what Armin was saying with a little more compassion then and he nodded.  
“Okay, tests will stay strictly to the basics and if Hange were to ask for anymore and you deny her but she doesn’t listen Levi has my permission to do with her as he likes.” Erwin looked at Levi as if asking if He was okay with that and he nodded looking at Armin who shrugged.  
“Now as I was saying, we’ll do what we can but we won’t be your little play things, whatever you find with the tests is it. We’ll give you the data and whatever results they got from what they did to us but we leave when it’s over and you leave us alone.” Armin say it so matter of factly.  
“That is if you want to leave by the end of course. You can always stay, any of you, if by the end you feel as though you would like to.” Erwin looked as if he was silently pleading with Armin to stay. It almost looked as if something might actually be there that the pair were for the most part ignoring and it made Levi feel uncomfortable, but only because he wanted that with Eren.


	4. try something new

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been so distracted and unable to focus on like anything so if this chapter feels off or something like yeah I don't I can't just sorry.

It hadn’t taken long for all the friends to fall right back into the groove they’d had before Eren had gone missing. Almost as if Eren had never been gone really except that they had to leave him every night and go home, though with his phone Eren had a way to keep in touch. Things between Levi and Eren had even started to get better having people around, however Mikasa was not into the thought of them even being friends much less the fact they were supposed to be soulmates.

That didn’t stop Levi from making his way into the now full office from time to time just to sit with Eren, which was usually during his free time that had suddenly diminished to next to nothing. There was so much to do watching over the kids and making sure they had everything they need as well as helping Erwin with shit missions that Levi didn’t really care for. He did as he was told anyway but with more complaining, much to Erwin’s annoyance of course. 

The kids were making his life a lot harder than anything else though, asking for this and that. He would wake up and have a list of shit they wanted handed to him as soon as he got there complete with a smile from Eren. Everyone knew and abused the fact that Levi was bound by his promise to do whatever Eren asked of him. It wouldn’t bother him so much if it wasn’t for Mikasa constantly adding shit the already long ass list. 

Other than that though things were nice. Everyone was laughing and having fun more often than not. Eren was singing and dancing around every which way. All the stress and drama had seemed to mellow out and now after a little over a month of the children being around it all seemed so natural. Friends were being made outside of the office which they didn’t venture out of too often aside from Eren who liked to walk around accompanied by Levi when his friends weren’t going to be at the base. 

Today happened to be one such day, which put Levi in an unusually happy mood, until he walked into the office and found Eren looking less than enthusiastic. “What’s this? You aren’t usually so down and out in the morning?” Levi asked jokingly trying to lighten the mood but received no polite smile, which he was accustomed to at such times.

“Don’t have too much to be happy about.” Eren’s voice was so hollow and devoid of the normally fiery spirit Levi loved so much. He stood there looking down with a frown the likes of which Levi had not seen on him yet. 

“So?” Levi prompted. 

“So I woke up to a bunch of texts.” Eren was still unreadable aside from the thick sadness that permeated the air. 

“And?” Levi tried again, feeling as though he was getting nowhere. 

“And Marco matches Jean.” The words hung sticky in the air. There was a venom in Eren’s voice, it wasn’t as if he hated Marco, it was like he was so done and defeated, like the world had finally broken him down. Everything in Levi ached, willing him to do something to sooth the terrible feelings ripping through Eren. His mind was moving a million miles a fucking minute thinking of something he could do to fix this, or at least get Eren’s mind off of it. 

Levi made a decision then pulling out his phone and texting Erwin to give him a heads up. He grabbed Eren’s arm and started moving. “What the hell do you think you’re-” 

“We’re leaving. Like going out, don’t ask where or why. Keep quiet until we’re gone and maybe this can happen again.” Eren’s mouth snapped shut as he allowed Levi to pull him through the hallways ignoring all strange stares they got. The garage was mostly clear aside from a few employees that didn’t live at the base who were making their way in for the day. Levi choose one of the cars with darker tint windows and pushed Eren into the back seat taking the front for himself. 

It had been nearly thirty minutes before Levi spoke breaking the silence in the car and pulling Eren from his thoughts. “We have to go a little further away than I normally would but we can’t risk you being recognized.” His voice gave nothing away. 

“That’s why I have to sit in the back right? In case of traffic cameras picking my up.” Eren’s voice was different from how it had been when he’d told Levi about Jean and Marco. 

“Yes, or else I wouldn’t have a problem letting you sit up front.” He kept his face toward the rode but looked in the rear view mirror to check on Eren. He seemed so young just watching the street pass them by. Silence fell again and Levi let it, until Eren looked up and caught his eye in the mirror and asked him to turn on the radio. They sat there listening to whatever shit came on, Levi made sure to keep some kind of song on changing station when there was a lull and commercials came on. 

It had nearly been two hours when Levi pulled off the main rode following a dust unpaved driveway up to an old farmhouse Erwin had bought a few years ago but hadn’t ever truly used. It was supposed to be a ‘vacation’ house where he could still be close to work if anything were to happen. Eren surveyed the area taking in the overgrown lawn and all the other imperfections, he smiled as they pulled up in front of the wrap around porch. Levi got out first and check around the door for the spare key Erwin kept there. He entered first leaving Eren in the back of the car as he looked around. 

There was a thin layer of dust which had settles disgustingly over all aspects of every room. It was all so sad looking around the unused home. He made his way back to the car and let Eren out who was immediately on his way to the door and bounding inside. He wore the brightest most luminescent grin Levi had ever been graced with as he looked around. 

“Whose house it this?” Eren voice disturbed the room. 

“Erwin’s, though he obviously doesn’t use it as you can see, nor does he pay for a cleaning service.” There must have been something amusing about the way Levi had said that because Eren was laughing holding his stomach. 

“Oh man, Levi I have never seen you make such an annoyed face. That is,” He broke off laughing again. It was Levi’s face? 

“I don’t laugh at you when you make hideous faces.” Not that Eren could make a face that Levi would love. The boy shook his head as he looked up at Levi. 

“That’s because I don’t. I’m gorgeous.” His tone was joking and light, and this was so not the time but Levi couldn’t stop himself. 

“You are.” His voice was breathy and barely noticeable but Eren surly heard him because he sucked in a harsh breath. Levi turned away and looked at the kitchen. “I hope you aren’t hungry, I’m pretty sure everything here is out of date.”

Eren still hadn’t recovered from Levi’s admission and was watching him as he moved out of the room cursing himself for it. But Eren couldn’t get over the warm butterfly feeling that had sprung up in his chest as much as he wanted to there was no way it was going anywhere, though course during a moment of semi-happiness it had to be ruined. His phone began ringing uncontrollable and loud shaking the quiet of the house. 

He looked at the name and his heart dropped into the pit of his stomach. The dark feelings he had earlier when Levi had shown up bloomed anew inside him as he watch the phone go on insisting he talk to the people on the other side. Levi walked back in as if concerned as to why Eren was answering the phone and he found the most distressing scene playing out before him. Eren had begun sobbing unabashedly holding the phone away from him, upon Levi’s entrance he held it out to him so he would take it. He did looking at the name on the screen and willing Jean to drop fucking dead. He answered the phone curtly. 

“Hello?” Jean was breathing harshly on the other side. 

“Levi? Why the hell do you have Eren’s phone? Where the fuck is Eren? Erwin said you texted him and left with Eren. I swear if you’ve done-” Levi cut him off bored with the not so pleasant tone of Jean voice. 

“Eren isn't of any concern to you at the moment.” His voice was like ice through the speaker and as he said it he heard Eren whimper. Looking at him he’d taken a seat on the couch. 

“Bullshit he isn’t of any concern to me. Levi give him the goddamn phone.” Jean was still screaming at Levi bt he didn’t much care as he walked over to Eren who grabbed at him pulling him close for comfort. 

He breathed in deeply calming himself. “No, he gave me the phone because he doesn’t want to talk. Honestly. If Eren wanted the phone back I’d give it to him, but he doesn’t. Please don’t call again, just let him process this.” 

“Levi!” Jean was screaming his name as he ended the phone call. Levi turned the phone off but didn’t make to leave, he let Eren sit there holding him until he was ready to let go. No one had to know how happy it made Levi to be held like that by Eren. 

Time was slow there in Eren’s arms but after about ten minutes his time was up and Eren let him go. He went about what he was doing before letting Eren sit there and calm down. It had to have been another ten minutes before Eren followed Levi finding him in the kitchen looking through the cabinets, acknowledging Levi and then moving to look through them as well. Eren was the one who found the cleaning supplies and started pulling them out lining them up on the island. 

“You were looking for these right?” He finally spoke, and a little of the uncertainty in Levi lifted. 

“Yeah.” Levi nodded moving to look at them, Erwin had a good collection of cleaners everything they needed was there. He started picking up a few and moved out of the room, finding the linens closet and getting a few towels to use. Eren grabbed the broom, dust pan and a few of the other cleaners following Levi into the living room. They sat in comfortable silence as they cleaned the pair unwilling to say anything. 

Levi was starting to work up a sweat about halfway through the living room and decided to roll up his sleeves, he continued as he was but stopped suddenly when he noticed Eren had moved in front of him. “What?” He looked up from his position cleaning the floor boards. 

“You have tattoos.” Eren said matter-of-factly, and Levi rolled his eyes. 

“Aren’t you the observant one.” His tone was sarcastic and he tried to go back to what he was doing but Eren had sat down next to him, looking at his forearms. “Is it really that interesting?” Levi asked. 

“I didn’t know. You always wear long sleeve shirts. Why?” Eren looked him in the eye genuinely curious about Levi’s tattoos, about Levi. A warmth spread through Levi’s chest, as he looked over Eren. 

“They’re unprofessional.” He spoke evenly.

“Bullshit.” Eren laughed, and the gestured to Levi’s arms and held his hands out asking if he could look, Levi nodded and Eren took his hand tenderly and twisted his arm back and forth. “They’re beautiful.” He said and something in Levi lit up burning like it never had before. Everywhere Eren touched tingled with the memory of it. 

“I have more.” Levi’s voice was a whisper, like he was sharing a secret between them, which for the most part he was. Eren looked at him expectantly and Levi smiled, grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it over his head. Eren gasped at the action and then settled down when he realized just how many more tattoos Levi had. 

They didn’t cover his chest completely and some were disconnected from the semi sleeves he had. It wasn’t as if Levi had intended to have sleeves which was why there were still a few open spaces here and there without plans for being filled. The ink stretched up to his shoulders and covered some of his back, and both arms the same amount of coverage. He watched Eren trace the tattoos with his eyes, stopping and touching the ones surrounding Levi’s marks. 

The twin images wore red roses around them, neither covered, simply added to the pictures on his skin. The flowers were the only source of color on his skin. A deep red, in contrast to all the dark black lines. Levi had meant it that way, wanting to show the life his other half would bring to his life, though sitting there with the other suddenly made him feel so insecure and vulnerable, unable to hid how much he’d anticipated his arrival. Wearing his feelings so freely, wasn’t something Levi did often, though with Eren it seemed only right. 

Levi looked around avoiding Eren’s eyes letting him take it all in, his listened to Eren breath since he was close enough and thought about anything else. “Levi.” Eren’s voice was so quiet in the space between them, Left felt Eren’s fingertips ghost of the the skin on their shared marks. 

“I’ve waited so long for you Eren. I’m so sorry it happened this way.” Levi couldn’t look at Eren. There was silence again as Eren looked for something to say, finding nothing he only moved closer to Levi, giving in to all the urges he’d been fighting since Levi had walked in to get him that morning. He laid his head against Levi’s shoulder, having forced him into a better position so he could curl up in his arms. Levi didn’t waste time and willingly let himself be pushed around until Eren was comfortable and then he wrapped his arms around him.

It took a moment for Eren to figure out what he wanted to say. “I should have known it was going to be Marcos.” His cheek brushed Levi’s collarbone, and his breath tickles the sensitive skin of Levi’s neck. 

Levi hummed, listening, and testing things himself, he took Eren’s hand and laced their fingers together admiring his tan skin as compared to Levi’s own pale. “Are you mad?” Levi asked, and Eren smiled feeling the vibrations of Levi’s chest as he spoke. 

“More just sad, and relieved, but disappointed too. I have so many feelings all the fucking time and I don’t know what to do with them. There’s been so much that’s happened. I’m so conflicted, but I don’t have time to sit and think about any of it because I have to do this job, I have to help everyone understand what my dad did.” Eren was shaking allowing himself to get it all out, finding that here, right here with Levi he felt so much lighter. “My dad did something to me and my friends, and I need to know what, but I have other things going on.” His breathing was shuddering as more tears fell from him. Levi pressed him closer and moved them both toward the couch, he leaned on it holding Eren. 

“We’ll figure this out. You don’t have to be alone.” Levi whispered softly in Eren’s hair trying to make him feel better. 

“I just want to know why all this happened. I want to know why you had to be this way. Why I couldn’t have had what Jean now has. I want to know why my mom had to die, and why I have to be stuck in all of this. Levi.” He looked in the older man's eyes searching for something which he seemed to find and he once again laid his head of Levi’s shoulder. 

“No matter what Eren I promise nothing else will happen.” He’d obviously spoke too soon as his phone decided then to go off. Not wanting Eren to move Levi removed his hand from Eren’s keeping hold of him with the other as he pulled out his phone. Noticing Erwin scribbled across the screen he answered figuring he owed that to the guy. 

“The hell do you want? I’m in the middle of something.” He looked at Eren who hadn’t moved, and didn’t seem to want to either, he allowed a small smile reassuring Eren.

“Nice to hear from you too Levi.” Erwin’s voice was calm but there was a hint of underlying anger. “Would you like to explain why you felt it would be okay for yourself and Eren to take a field trip today?” 

“Eren’s locked up in that damn place for nearly three months now Erwin I thought maybe he needed a bit of air given all that he’s been through, and besides it sounds to me like you’ve had some visitors who would have only made matters worse where Eren’s concerned. So I don’t really give a shit if it put a bit of a damper in your plans.” Eren was tracing over a few of his tattoos as he spoke sending small shivers through Levi as he did so. 

“You maybe right, which is really the reason I called.” Erwin seemed to be thinking about something. “I don’t use that place as much as I should, actually I don’t at all, and from what I can see you two have been working pretty hard cleaning it up. That work would be wasted if you just left.” His voice was suggestive, but Levi was stuck on what he’d said.

“Do you have fucking cameras in here? Are you fucking watching us? Erwin I am going to fucking castrate you, you goddamn son of a-” Erwin cut him off. 

“Of course I can’t leave you two there alone, and Eren’s friends will want to see him. So Hange will be there soon with enough supplies. I’ll have the kids bring the rest over tomorrow. Also I’ll send someone with groceries.” Levi rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah thanks perv. Don’t think I won’t be looking for those damn cameras and getting rid of them.” Levi hung up after that and then looked at Eren. “Erwin said you’re going to be staying here with Hange and I, Hange’s on her was with supplies, I just hope someone else packed them or else we aren’t going to have clothes for tomorrow.” Eren laughed and moved away from Levi, for a moment Levi felt as though things had returned to how they had been but then Eren turned and smiled at him and he understood that things were different now at least. 

There’d been a thawing of some kind and fond feelings had been shared, they were moving in a good direction, Levi thought to himself. They continued cleaning after Levi put his shirt back on, moving into the dining room and were almost done when Hange showed up barging in and ruining the calm atmosphere they had built. 

“Hello Love birds.” Hange said in a sing song voice. They had grown overly used to this type of treatment from Hange. 

“Fuck off.” Levi said without a hint of conviction. He left his post were he was working on one of the built in shelving units for showing off fine china. 

“Hey Hange.” Eren followed Hange to the kitchen where she had dropped all the shit she’d brought. 

“You remembered we need clothes right?” Levi asked following after the two, well mainly Eren. 

“You’ll be happy to know Erwin had some people help me and that they remembered you need clothes or else you wouldn’t have clothes, because I completely forgot my own so I will definitely be going back tomorrow for more.” Moblit walked in from the car Levi assumed carrying a few boxes, Levi rolled his eyes going out to help the poor guy move the boxes inside. Eren followed him and was about to step out of the house when Levi held his hand up stopping him. 

“Sorry, you aren’t allowed beyond this point.” Levi looked really sincere in his apology, and Eren nodded turning to go further inside. 

It didn’t take too long for Levi and Moblit to move all the boxes inside, then they set out deciding whose was whose and where to put the rest. Eren had disappeared up stairs to clean out the room he’d chosen as his own. Levi remained down stairs with Hange setting up the equipment they would need in the ‘office’ as well as the ‘formal living room’, they’d sent Moblit off to get the groceries. As the time ticked by Hange built up the nerve to finally ask Levi why He’d taken Eren out. 

‘When I went to get him this morning everything was off, he wasn’t himself, and I fucking hated it so I texted Erwin and told him that Eren and I were going out.” He tried his best to avoid talking about Jean and Marco afraid Eren might hear them and break down again. 

“There’s more to it than that, there has to be.” Hange said looking at him as if trying to find the answer there. 

“Yeah there is, but I don’t want to talk about it, and Levi doesn’t want to set anything off.” Eren’s voice startled Levi, he turned around so fast looking at Eren who was standing there looking between them. 

“Talking things through might help.” Hange moved toward Eren who seemed to recoil. 

“And I will when I want to, and Levi will be there when I want to talk. No one else.” Eren’s words hit Levi and he was gasping to breath trying to understand what he’d said. 

Levi took a minute to respond. “Yes I will.” He looked at Eren pointedly allowing everything he wasn’t saying to be expressed in the look, Eren seemed to understand and nodded. 

“Is Moblit back yet?”He changed to subject as Hange looked between them, but seemed to realize she didn’t need to know what had changed and instead decided to show support. 

“No idea, soon I hope, I’m excited to find out if Armin was lying about your affinity for cooking Eren.” That seemed to bring him back to the present for the time being. 

An hour later Moblit returned and Eren started working on dinner, the down stairs had started to smell like real food which didn’t exactly surprise Levi though it did make fond emotions rise up inside him. Those feelings seemed to become more and more common the more time they spend in the house. 

It’d been a week since they’d ‘moved’ to the house and they’d all made themselves rather comfortable. Levi and Eren had taken care of all of the cleaning and now they had gone back to working, Eren kept some kind of video chat open with Armin as he worked. Levi had asked Erwin to hold off on telling everyone where the house was so Eren could have some time to prepare himself. They hadn’t had anymore heart to hearts but their relationship was nowhere near how it had been when they left. They shared jokes now and again, as well as small not too personal bit of information about themselves. Like and dislikes, allergies, hobbies, and interests and every piece seemed to fit perfectly together as long as they didn’t stay too long on harder subjects they seemed to be doing pretty well. Levi didn’t push Eren for much, and Eren didn’t push him either. 

They’d found a balanced that worked and was much easier to maintain without people breath down their necks. Levi couldn’t say he missed having Mikasa around. He knew that if she’d been there he and Eren wouldn’t have made any progress, and as selfish as it was he hope he and Eren could at least be friends if nothing more. Though he really wanted more. 

Ever since Eren had seen his tattoos and allowed Levi to hold him he’d been craving more. His delusions of a happy life had become more and more frequent, he could almost pretend that this was their house, that they were married and nothing had ever happened, but the truth always came back seeping in, making him aware of just how unobtainable that life was. Which is why he was happy when Eren told him Armin and Mikasa would be coming over to being the testing. 

In all the hustle and bustle of the last month it had been something that had been put on the back burner while the kids all focus on trying to break into Grisha’s experiment, and now that there was a lull in progress there Hange had made it every clear that their services were needed. Levi hadn’t expected Armin’s arrival to be so emotional, but as Eren hugged him he realized he must have missed his friends despite everything. Armin merely gave Levi a smile as if in thanks which Levi brushed off. No one needed to thank him for protecting Eren, or taking Eren away so he could breath, Levi would anything for him. It’s why he stayed around even when Eren said nothing to him, just content to have him there but not say anything. 

“Can't stop, addicted to the shindig  
Chop top, he says I'm gonna win big  
Choose not a life of imitation  
Distant cousin to the reservation  
Defunct, the pistol that you pay for  
This punk, the feeling that you stay for  
In time, I want to be your best friend  
Eastside love is living on the West End  
Knock out, but boy you better come to  
Don't die, you know the truth is some do  
Go write your message on the pavement  
Burn so bright, I wonder what the wave meant  
White heat is screaming in the jungle  
Complete the motion if you stumble  
Go ask the dust for any answers  
Come back strong with 50 belly dancers

The world I love  
The tears I drop  
To be part of  
The wave can't stop  
Ever wonder if it's all for you  
The world I love  
The trains I hop  
To be part of  
The wave can't stop  
Come and tell me when it's time to

Sweetheart is bleeding in the snow cone  
So smart, she's leading me to ozone  
Music, the great communicator  
Use two sticks to make it in the nature  
I'll get you into penetration  
The gender of a generation  
The birth of every other nation  
Worth your weight the gold of meditation  
This chapter's gonna be a close one  
Smoke rings, I know you're gonna blow one  
All on a spaceship persevering  
Use my hands for everything but steering  
Can't stop, the spirits when they need you  
Mop tops are happy when they feed you  
J. Butterfly is in the treetop  
Birds that blow the meaning into bebop.” Watching Eren dance around outside while the stereo thumbed and stressed over ever hit of the bass was like magic. He knew every word and didn’t miss a beat which was a feet in itself when it came to the Red Hot Chili Peppers, the boy was even more impressive because he was dancing. Any normal person would be out of breath. 

He was a sweaty mess as Hange called out things he needed to do and he complied. He had a grace about him in the fact that he didn’t hesitate, moving head first into all the obstacles that had been set up. Levi watched with a horrified fascination as Eren completed the course and the realization came to him that it should had taken Eren longer. The human body wasn’t made to go that fast or to move like that. He was flexible bending and holding into positions that honestly scared Levi the slightest bit, though he also felt as though there was more lying undiscovered, and he suddenly wished that they would never know the true extend of Eren abilities. 

Because for all the good Erwin’s promises were there were somethings that Erwin couldn’t just let go, and Levi knew that Eren would be one of the things Erwin wouldn’t want to let go of. He only hoped that no one else showed so much promise in the endurance tests. Eren was moving toward the house his hair matted down with sweat but otherwise there was no way to tell he’d been physically exerting himself. Levi took the chance then, grabbing Eren’s arm and dragging him away from prying eyes, toward the stairs and up them. Eren must have noticed something on Levi’s face because he said nothing letting the older man pull him along. 

Levi closed the door behind them and then looked at Eren. “You need to start holding back.” Eren gave him an incredulous looks. 

“Why? Erwin said-” Levi cut him off. 

“What Erwin said is bullshit trust me, you have too much promise to be useful to our cause, he can’t just let that go. You know how easy it would be to break into all those Government building with someone like you on our side. Just trust me on this Eren. And tell you’re friends too.” Levi moved to leave the room but Eren stopped him. 

“Why are you helping? If what you’re saying is true that would mean that I would stay, but you’re-” Levi sighed looking at Eren and touching one of his hands to a sweat streaked cheek. 

“You’re right I want you to stay, but you don’t want to stay, and I would never do anything that would make you unhappy, not again, you are too important to me. So listen to me, okay, you have nothing to worry about when it comes to me.” He did leave this time and not too long after Eren left with more conflicting feels. 

As he walked back out into the field that was behind the house he noticed mikasa was giving the course a go and that she was making good time, hell better than his own, Armin seemed like he’d given it a try but had failed halfway through. Armin had never been good at physical exercise though he kept a good physique either way. Mikasa hit the ground on the other side of the wall they were meant to climb and stood up immediately going to for the hem of her shirt and pulling it off. Eren was more than accustomed to the action having witnessed Mikasa do it millions of times before, besides wearing a long sleeve shirt wasn’t that best idea when you knew you would be working out. 

Though he didn’t blame her for doing it, she’d started after her marks had showed up, like Eren she’d had someone who she’d expected to match and that hadn’t happened and so she chose not to freely show he marks. Eren thought about how he might have done the same thing if he hadn’t met Levi because now there really wasn’t a reason to hide them, he had nothing to fear anymore. He was so lost in his thoughts that he was startled by the excited scream that Hange had let out. She was standing next to Mikasa taking off her lab coat and stumbling in her hast to do some. Levi seemed just as confused as Eren felt when he looked back to him with a questioning stare. 

“The hell is you problem?” Levi called out to Hange.

“We match.” Hange squealed and something in Eren seemed ready to fucking explode. How many more people would get their happily ever after while he had to deal with whatever the fuck was his and Levi’s relationship? He wanted nothing more than to fucking punch something as he turned and left, ignoring Levi as he did so. He couldn't deal with this now, he still hadn’t really thought about Jean and Marco and not Mikasa had found Hange, as weird as that was. 

Eren walked back up the stairs and into the bathroom up there he under dressed quickly and turned on the water uncaring of the fact it would take a minute to heat up and stepped in enjoying the new sensation on his skin which felt like fire. All the stress seemed to leave his muscles the longer he stood there, he knew he’d turned the heat up too far but didn’t really feel like changing it. He cleaned slowly after the water had turned to a lukewarm temperature and then he left the room fixed in only a towel and not picking up his clothes, he figured Levi would do it for him. 

Eren only put on enough clothes to cover the bottom half of his body still feeling too heated to do much more. He just wanted it all to stop for there not to be these damn marks. He didn’t want to have anymore of these perfectly matched assholes showing up and shoving their happiness in his face. There was a knock at his door that he knew had to Armin, the gentleness with which his knuckles touched the wood told Eren everything he needed to know. Suddenly all the anger was magnified, Armin had no marks, had time before his life changed, before he met whoever had been waiting for him and that pissed Eren off. 

“Go the fuck away Armin.” There wasn't a sound on the other side of the door as Eren paused. “Get Levi.” Eren thought for a second he would have to ask again but then Armin’s soft ‘okay’ sounded through the door and relief flooded him. Levi took his damn sweet time coming up and then knocked once against the door once letting Eren know he was there and asking if Eren was sure he was the one he wanted to talk to. Eren was up and moving toward the door pulling it open and finding Levi with two cups of tea which nearly dropped as Eren grabbed his arm dragging him into the room. 

At first it wa quiet, Eren took the tea he held out and sipped it slowly, the heat he’d felt like a searing under his skin had diminished when Levi had gotten there and now he could sit comfortably. “I left my clothes on the floor in the bathroom.” Was the first thing that came to his mind and so was the first thing he said, Levi merely hummed as if agreeing with him. 

“This really sucks, you know? Like do you get mad too? Cause I swear to god this shit pisses me off so much, and then it feels like I’m burning from the inside out and I just want to hit someone.” Eren was speaking quickly trying to get it all out before he lost his never. Sharing his feeling with Levi felt natural though and was easier than it should have been. 

“Yeah, it pisses me off.” Levi said looking at Eren. “I thought that when I met you I would be able to at least try not to ever do something that could hurt you. I had practiced what I would say over and over again, promising to whatever it took to not hurt you, and I never got that chance, and I will forever be trying to take it all back. So yeah of course it pisses me off to see people who get to just be happy and focus on never finding their nemesis but we couldn’t do that. I hate that I have to be both the best and worst thing to ever happen to you. And it envy them because they got off easy.” Eren had only seen Levi this way once before and seeing it again now made something ache in his chest. 

“I don’t want it to be this way anymore, really I’m just not mad, I want to be don’t get me wrong I want to fucking hate you, but I don’t, not enough anyways.” Levi was watching him with a carefully constructed mask, no want to give his feeling away. “Why don’t we start over? Just let’s not talk about my mom? I don’t mind you asking other people, but if you ask me I don’t think I’ll be able to put it behind me, though I don’t forgive you for it.” 

“I would never ask you to.” Levi allowed the mask to fall and Eren to see all the sincerity in his words. “I am never going to willingly hurt you, ever. I don’t know who decided I deserved you because it’s even more evident to me now that I don’t. Don’t feel like you have to give me anything, this is enough Eren I can’t ask more of you.” 

“Shut up, I don’t want to hear anymore of that self deprecating bullshit from you. You understand that Levi? I don’t want you saying that shit. Whatever happened to make you think so lowly of yourself- I don’t want you thinking that way anymore, if it was mom drop it okay? It there’s something else tell me when you’re ready, but stop that okay? I’ll let it slide sometimes, but I’m not letting it continue.” Eren had moved closer, having finished his tea, he sat down next to Levi and leaned on his left side, and Levi didn’t flinch away from the contact. 

“Okay, I’ll try and remember that.” Levi said, and then silence fell between them as they sat there, neither adding anything for a few minutes and then Eren spoke. 

“Mikasa is going to hate this.” Eren laughed. 

“She’s a bit busy with a soul mate of her own right now.” Levi reminded Eren who hummed. 

“Yeah, but she’ll forget all about that when we tell her we’ve decided to be friends.” Hearing Eren say we sent pangs of happiness through Levi’s chest. 

“Maybe, but we have other things to talk about before we leave, and I know you don’t want to but pushing it aside doesn’t make it magically go away, Eren.” Eren slumped back letting his back hit the mattress. 

“You just had to ruin it didn’t you.” He looked at Levi who had turned following the motion. 

“It’s what I’m good at, bursting bubbles of content denial. So are you going to talk or?” Levi raised an eyebrow at Eren who let a little whine leave him. 

“You are mean.” And then it was quiet for a moment while Eren looked away letting himself get lost in his thoughts, trying to find a good place to start. “I think that subconsciously we both knew, like I never felt like I needed to fight for Jean’s attention but I also knew Marco got a lot of his time as well. Honestly if we hadn’t been so caught up in each other they might have even had a chance. I know there was a rumor that Marco was going to ask Jean out but we started dating before he could work up the confidence to do it. And it’s not like I didn’t notice how close they were. I guess the only reason I’m so mad about it is because Jean what I didn’t, and as happy for him as I am I’m still jealous and sad that I have to go through so much more and all he has to do is explore a relationship he already has.” Levi was quiet letting Eren speak. 

“Like he doesn’t have to get to know Marco, he’s spent his whole life with him, plus Marco was a part of the experiments too, Jean gets to be with someone who already understand him and knows him. He get someone who has the same experiences and I get you. Not to be rude or anything, I mean you understand what I mean.” Levi nodded, because he did, Eren got a nemesis who was supposed to be his soulmate, Eren had to learn to get along with the man who had inadvertently killed his mom. “And I know what he’s going to say if I talk to him, he’s going to tell me he still loves me, but don’t really want to hear that now. It was reassuring at his party to know that just because we couldn’t be together doesn’t mean we don’t still love each other, but it’s different now.” Eren was quiet, but Levi didn’t fill the silence. 

“I don’t know what I want, but I don’t want to hear that. I especially don’t want to Jean to forego his relationship with Marco in order to try and make me happy, because that wouldn’t. God it’s all such a mess I don’t know how to fix it.” Eren seemed to be done talking and so Levi spoke. 

“I could talk to Jean for you if you like. Let him know how you’re feeling and ask him to give you sometime, tell him not to ignore Marco.” Eren looked at Levi and thought, at some point his hand had moved up to Levi’s face and was tracing his features. 

“I want to talk to him, but I want you there when I do.” They sat there for a long ass time maybe thirty minutes Levi didn't know and he didn’t care, and they only broke apart because Armin barged in speaking quickly about something neither could understand. Eren stood up placing his hands on Armin’s shoulders trying to calm him down enough to get him to speak English. 

“I did it. I got in.” He finally said breathing quickly in and out, “What was going on, are you guys-” 

“Friends, Armin, we’re friends. Don’t read too much into it, there’s nothing else, and if there was that’s none of your business.” Eren was pushing Armin out of the room as he spoke and Armin seemed to understand that Eren didn’t want him to ask any questions because he didn’t have the answers. Armin left and went back down stairs and Eren turned back to Levi. “I don’t know where this is going to go Levi, like I said I don’t hate you, but I also don’t know how-”

“It’s fine Eren, like I said, this is all I can ask of you.” They left together heading down stairs to talk to everyone figuring it was easier getting it out of the way. Mikasa didn’t take it well as Eren had assumed and so he told her straight out that he didn't give a shit what she thought, and that she had no right to judge given she wasn’t in a situation like theirs, which seemed to shut her up. But really Eren was right, Levi thought, no one had a right to have an opinion on their relationship as weird and unconventional as it was. Besides it wasn't as if Levi had forced Eren into giving him a chance at all. 

The only thing Levi had asked for was time to visit Eren, that didn’t mean Eren had to talk to him, or smile at him. Eren had chosen this, he had decided the Levi was worth the try and Levi wouldn’t let him down. No matter what all Eren’s friends thought Levi would do his best and al the very least he’d be content knowing Eren didn’t hate him. 

Armin was going on about what he’d been able to download from Grisha’s facilities and everyone was listening intently. “So first off we’re all fucking stupid as shit, it was a code, it’s commands in German. Words meant to get the desired reactions out of us, like we’re fucking dogs. They’ve trained us like dogs.” Eren seemed upset again and he moved closer to Levi which no one commented on, Mikasa looked as if she was ready to rip someone's head off, but Hange looked excited. 

“So what are they?” She said with a manic air about her earning a glare from Mikasa. “For science of course love, nothing else.” Levi shook his head disagreeing no. 

“No, you don’t get to know their ‘commands’ no one does. Armin take those out of the report you’re giving to Erwin.” Levi’s voice held authority as he spoke deciding Erwin couldn’t be trusted with this information. 

“Levi, you’re going against protocol. I’m going to have to turn you in.” Hange said pulling her phone out but Mikasa grabbed for it quicker than Hange could react. 

“No.” Mikasa spoke throwing the phone to Eren who caught it easily. 

“You are too Hange, Erwin can’t be trusted not to use the commands and they are not dogs to do his bidding as he pleases. It’s not happening. I don’t care what Erwin wants anymore.” Levi went to talk to Armin but Hange spoke up again. 

“Look I get it you’re made because it was on his orders that you-” Eren cut her off this time. 

“Fuck off Hange. This isn’t about that, Levi’s right we don’t know what these commands do but they can’t be good, you’ve seen a fraction of what myself and Mikasa can do imagine what Erwin could do with us under his thumb. We aren’t going to be used like that again. Armin encrypt those documents and up them on an external hard drive, taken thm to Jean’s ann he’ll know where to hide them, delete all traces on these computer and make it look like they shut up down and wiped it out.” Amin nodded and got to work. 

“I never thought I’d have to do this again.” He laughed, Hange and Levi looked at them obviously left out of the loop on what Armin meant by that.


	5. Defeat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short, it's sweet, its anything but simple and hell yeah it's gonna fuck you up, but you love me and you know it.

Eren of course was right Jean knew exactly what to do with usb, while Armin kept a written copy of the commands deciding that if anyone was going to use these it would be the people affected themselves. It took some convincing on his side to persuade Eren into letting Jean and Marco know where the house was and even then he wasn’t quite into it. Eventually with some help from Levi a compromise was made, Jean and Marco would come on separate days and neither was to speak of their now relationship. Jean was given Tuesdays and Thursdays while Marco was given Monday and Wednesday give Eren the rest of the week to do as he wanted. 

It wasn’t much of a surprise when they insisted Hange no be allowed to administer the test and instead relied on Mikasa to keep track and Eren when Mikasa was up. Each showed promise in a variety of different skills, Armin lacked in physical ability but made up for it in brain capacity, while Mikasa excel at physical training and tactical thinking, Eren though seemed adaptable to either when it suited him finding it easy to do both and well, like really well. Though he did lag a ways behind Armin and Mikasa the fact that he was highly capable of both was a point of interest, as far as everyone else was concerned they either had one or the other and lacked Eren’s stamina. 

This meant the search was officially on to find the other three test subjects Reiner, Annie, and Bert. Nothing had come from the addresses Eren had given Armin, it seemed like they all had moved once again after their initial departure and had even fractured off from each other. Annie had moved to Europe while, Reiner’s family had moved to some survivalist colony in Arizona, and Bert’s parents had moved to South Africa, but that was as far as they were able to follow them given the information they’d found and now it was up to Armin to try and use facial recognition software to find them. 

Which was proving to be way more difficult than anyone had thought it would be. There was no sign of them anywhere and after about three weeks of searching everyone’s hope was dwindling and sputtering out. It started with Jean after the routine exercise they all went through to continue their tests making sure not to leave any stone unturned, he was complaining about how long of this was taking and how he had better things to do; which had spurred a huge argument between him and Eren, it was more of a screaming match than anything. 

That was a side of Eren Levi hadn’t seen before, they were at each other throats in a way that suggested they weren’t against throwing fist and so Levi had stepped in forcing Eren to back down while Mikasa hled Jean back. Since then they hadn’t really talked and even Marco was keeping his distance from Eren, it kind of pissed Levi off. A breakthrough finally came then just as Jean and Eren were about ready to serious rip each others heads off. It was a Sunday evening when the car rolled up outside the deserving farmhouse. As per usual the alarm systems had alerted them to their visitors approach. 

Levi was standing out front putting up a front of a nice man having his tea on the porch while everyone else waited for his signal. The air around the house was still as the crunch of gravel skittered away into silence. A blonde man was the first to exit the car looking Levi over as he rocked contently back and forth playing up the innocent act, he had sunglasses on as well as a dark wash jean jacket that actually looked good on him. He looked around as if surveying the area for more people and then turned back to Levi with a smirk, pulling his glasses down allowing the sinking sun to illuminate his baby blue eyes. The cork of his lips set Levi on edge and set a crawling shill through him, this guy was really cocky if he truly thought Levi was alone here. When he spoke the words confirmed that unsettled feeling that had sprung up inside Levi. 

“It was a gallant effort, really, I’m sorry to say your calvery has been subdued.” The ice under Levi’s skin solidified and formed a shell masking the shaking of his hands. His mind wandered to Eren who sat inside with his friends. 

“Too bad for you there’s more of us than there are of you.” Levi’s voice gave nothing away as he stood moving to the railing encompassing the porch. The blonde raised an eyebrow as if asking how that could be since he’d obviously received the signal that everyone inside was well and quiet. 

“Is that so?” He seemed so goddamn smug and everything in Levi screamed to teach this asshole a fucking lesson in manners, but before he could make a move the front door opened and the screen door slapped shut against the jam and Eren was standing there looking at the other guy ignoring Levi glaring daggers at him. 

“Reiner? Jeez, you look- well shit, you don’t look half bad but?” Eren looked between Levi and Reiner noticing Levi’s stance and shaking his head as if to say stand down. “Are you two done here? Bert and Annie let us go a while ago when they realized it was me. By the way masks? Really?” He was still shaking his head as he walked back inside and the sudden tenseness of Levi’s muscles relaxed, Eren was okay, he breathed a heavy sigh of relief, and followed him inside with Reiner following. 

“You guys really did a number on us,” Eren’s voice was light hearted as everyone walked slowly into the dining room turned lab and research area. “So I guess you guys must have taken precautions to keep off the radar, make sense to me, though Armin’s going to have to work on safeguarding our situations better now thanks for the insight.” As far as Levi could tell Eren was fine, maybe slightly peeved about what happened but otherwise unharmed that is until he turned around and decked Reiner. Levi was so taken aback and shocked that he barely had time to register what ha happened and move into action himself, he restrained Reiner when he went to retaliate and threw him to the ground still holding his arms behind his back. 

There was a round of gasps and curses from the two other newcomers, though they made no move to help Reiner. Eren laughed awkwardly and tapped Levi shoulder getting his attention. “You can let him go.” Levi did straightening out and moving to Eren side not saying anything and ignoring the stares he was getting. “Anyways Reiner, I’m not sorry about punching you, sending Annie and Bert in here like that you could have serious screwed up what we had going on, you’re just lucky nothing was ruined.” Eren took his seat back at one of the computer and pulled up a few of the documents. After their first encounter with the commands they had removed all traces and Armin had worked on a new firewall and encryption for their computers that would allow them to hide the uncorrupted data from Erwin, it was quite the task and had put them behind in their research but it had paid off in the long run. 

Eren swived around to look at the three new people standing together in a group on the other side of the room as if preparing to protect themselves against another attack. Eren looked between his friends and the others and then sighed. “Look we aren’t mad at you or anything, and the reason we’ve been looking for you is because we wanted to know how much you guys knew about what’s going.” Eren gestured to the documents each one depicted Reiner, Annie, and Bert’s own data and statistics. 

“Well shit, so they actually did do something to us.” Bert said reading over his own. “Is this German?” 

“Yes.” Armin spoke up pulling out the list of all the commands written under each name was a specific list while at the top was a general list. “Each word is used to enable a different reaction from our minds, like dogs.” Armin looked away still pissed about the comparison. 

“So what if we say these words something will happen?” Reiner looked at Armin but Eren spoke. 

“It’s sort of like a trance really, You just do it, like you're not thinking anymore and your body just does. Honestly it’s not my favorite feeling ever.” Levi felt a tightening in his chest as Eren spoke, that sounded fucking horrible and Eren did that shit everyday? 

“Yeah it’s not great.” Armin seemed distant as he spoke, and with just the look on his face Levi realized there must be much more to it than what Eren had said, but words didn’t articulate exactly how bad it was, and now Levi was even more fucking furious than he had been. All the pent up rage he felt toward Doctor Grisha Jaeger was boiling inside him, yet he kept a cool collected looking easily on his face. He didn’t want Eren seeing just how much this all affected him and in what ways, he had enough to deal with without having to calm Levi down. 

Levi focused on his breathing as they all spoke, he drown out the conversation and only allowed the things Eren said to break through the foggy disinterest and indifference he’d forced himself to feel. It was nice disconnecting and being lulled into a mellow state of mind with the warm reverberations of Eren’s voice soothing him, and it almost had Levi in a comfortable place until Eren and Reiner started talking about how Reiner had noticed there were other people looking for them. Levi snapped back into the conversation then.

“That’s actually why we came looking, we thought it was strange some farmhouse pinged on our equipment, honestly didn’t think we’d ever see you again. All I remember is all the Doctors talking about how amazing Eren was. Figured you probably got better when they transferred us out to a new facility.” Eren sat back shocked. 

“They transferred you? Dad said you got better and went home.” Eren looks at Bert. “We wrote letters to each other.” 

Bert nodded. “Yeah but the letters I got from you were always just paper no envelope or stamp.” Eren eyebrows came together furrowing to show his confusion plain as day on his face. 

“Dad says mailed them out.” Eren ran and stressed hand through his hair pulling the strands between. “This is all so goddamn fucked up.” Finally Eren’s anger got the best of him and it took everything in Levi not to lose him cool as well. “I wish I could just talk to him, or punch him fuck. I just want to understand this bullshit.” Eren spun around again in his chair and folded his arms over the desk and hid his face between them. 

“What if you could?” Hange chimed in bring attention to herself finally.

“We aren’t getting Erwin involved.” Levi said smoothly, with a glare. 

“We don’t have to, and I’m not particularly for the idea myself anymore either for your information grumpy,” Eren held back a laugh.” We can tell Erwin we want to ask Grisha to fill in the blanks in the ‘corrupted’ data we have and tell him we think it best for Eren to talk with him, that he might divulge his secrets if it were his son asking.” Hange emphasised corrupted with air quotes, and when she was done talking everyone sat in silence thinking it over. 

“It might work, but then again we obviously don’t truly know Grisha,” Mikasa spoke. “The Grisha I knew was so-so in love with his family. He wouldn’t have done a single thing to put them in danger. Plus he knows the commands, probably knows more than we do ourselves. I don’t even want to imagine what he could make Eren do.” That struck a chord with Levi, Eren was not getting anywhere near Grisha if he had any say in it. 

“Then it’s settled, thanks for the input Hange but it’s not fucking happening.” Levi’s voice was chilling, more of a command itself than a demand, letting everyone know Eren was off limits for bullshit plans. 

“Who is this guy?” The blonde girl, Annie, finally spoke up looking Levi over like Reiner had earlier. “And why the hell does he run Eren’s life?”

Of course Mikasa was more than willing to step in, but not to defend Levi, no she held no punches back swiftly delivering the hate filled words as if she’d wanted nothing more than to scream it from the roof tops and let everyone know. “Levi is Eren’s nemesis, he killed his mom,” She paused letting it sink in, while the three stood on guard suddenly, Levi glaring daggers at the fucking bitch running her mouth. “And he’s Eren’s supposed soul mate.” She finished. 

“Fuck off Mikasa.” Eren looked up, but it was too late what’s done was done and Levi was flipping his mother fucking shit. 

“You’ve been waiting to say it again haven’t you. Ready to remind everyone, as if they don’t already fucking know what I did! You think I’m happy about? Do you think I enjoyed walking into the fucking infirmary and finding out that I had done the one thing I had sworn to myself I would never do without even truly being given a choice as to whether I wanted to or not? I had no way of knowing that Eren match my marks, or that he was in the car. So please rub it in my face again that I got dealt a fucking losing hand in life, I really fuck appreciate it coming from you who gets to live a normal life with their soulmate and doesn’t have to help pick all the broken pieces of something that never was and never will be because Fate said fuck you.” Levi was heaving in heavy breaths, he felt all the tension in his shoulders come back now. He hated himself, hated that he’d let this prissy-good-at-everything-perfect-life girl with an attitude get to him, but she’d used the one thing he was weakest to against him and he’d fallen easily. 

He felt warm hands on his shoulders guiding him out of the now silent room, he heard the creak of the stairs as they climbed them and then he’d opened to door allowing himself to lead to his room. When the door finally close Eren wrapped his arms around Levi from behind burying his face in the nook between his shoulder and neck, Levi’s hands held onto Eren as they just stood there. Levi relaxed slowly into the warmth of Eren’s chest finding peace in the heartbeat thrumming against his own. It was quiet, so quiet and nice, Levi wanted nothing more than to lay down like than and sleep until he felt like he and Eren were alone, just the two of them as one. Working up his courage he found his voice willing himself to ask for what he wanted. 

“Eren.’’ Was all he got out but Eren only moved toward his bed pulling away from him slightly only to envelop him in warmth again once they were lying side by side on the mattress facing each other. He laid there memorizing the soft curves of Eren’s cheeks and the dips of his dimples so much more prominent now seeing him so close. Levi was at peace for once as he connected the dots of freckles scattered over the bridge of Eren nose, he hadn’t realized he’d moved his hand up and was touching Eren’s face until a grin spread across Eren’s dusty pink lips. 

“You must seriously think I’m gorgeous looking at me like that.” He laughed and Levi felt the bed move. Had it been anyone else asking him that he would have felt self conscious but this was Eren, beautiful, warm, loving, kind Eren saying this to him and he didn’t deny it, because he couldn’t. Levi just hummed in agreement and watch a blush creep up Eren’s cheeks. “You’re supposed to say no.” He said, voice so soft it was almost a breath. 

“Why? It’s true, and honestly I don’t care to pretend like I’m not madly in love with you anymore. I may not deserve to be treated so kindly by you but that only makes me love you more. You’re a goddamn idiot but there’s no going back now, so why not?” Eren blinked at him and said nothing for awhile, but he didn’t pull away and so Levi didn’t push it more. 

His eyes were drooping from all the excitement of the day when Eren did speak again. “Levi,” He paused waiting for Levi to acknowledge him, he did with a hum. “How can you say something like that?” Levi’s eyes were closed as he spoke but he popped one open to look at Eren, he was watching Levi’s face with a stern look of concentration. Levi sighed conceding to the fact he wasn’t going to get that nap quite yet. 

“I have nothing to lose, Eren, all I can do from this point on is gain. I can be your friend, you confidant, a voice of reason to you when you need it, and all of that is indescribablly better than never seeing you again. The fact you allowed me to speak freely about my feelings is a bonus, and I won’t do it again if you don’t want me to. It just had to be said once.” A look Levi was beginning to know too well came over Eren’s face then. 

“I thought I said no more of that self deprecating bullshit.” Eren literally pouted, could this kid get any cuter, Levi thought. 

“You did, but that wasn’t, that was optimist Levi.” Eren rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah right,” Eren looked serious again and something dark twisted in Levi’s gut. “How did you get this fucked up anyways?” The look of curiosity on Eren’s face made something in Levi shrivel up. He wasn’t ready for this talk, hadn’t prepared or practiced it, and now Eren was waiting but all Levi wanted to do was get and and run. It must have shown on his face just how uncomfortable he was because Eren quickly added. “You don’t have to talk about it. I won’t ask.” Relief, the kind Levi had never felt before flooded through him. 

In the silence that stilled in the room after Levi thought to himself, about how the broach such a topic with Eren and when it would an appropriate time to. More than anything he didn’t want it to seem like a cry for pity from Eren so Eren would feel guilt and stay with him. If anything he only wanted Eren to understand him. He wanted to share himself with someone, that had been his dream since the day he got his marks and was still his dream now. He wanted Eren in everyway, wanted to walk up next to him to hold him close. Levi didn’t sleep though Eren did and so he didn’t leave the room but he left the bed feeling that the proximity to Eren at the moment was just too much for him. 

When Ere woke up he looked around confused as to where Levi had gone until finding the man sitting at the desk opposite the bed. His shoulders were still noticeably tense and it looked painful but something in Eren told him he shouldn't touch Levi just then. He stretched instead, long limbs falling off the side of the twin sized bed. Levi must have heard the creaking on the springs because he turned around and looked at Eren. Eren smiled at him, a sleepy, fuzzy and warm from his nap and he watched the faint worry lines disappear from Levi’s face as his mouth twitched almost forming a smile. Eren liked the way Levi looked when that shy unsure smile broke through the walls and made an appearance. He thought about what Levi had said about being madly in love with him and guessed it must be true because Levi sure as hell didn’t let anyone else see him like this. 

“How do you know, Levi?” Eren said his voice rough and he yawned at the end. 

“Know what, Eren?” He asked back making Eren smile again. 

“That you love me?” Eren’s words hung in the air that had suddenly become too dense for Levi to breath in. 

He thought about what he should say, about what he could say. Running everything over and over in his mind, what would Eren thinking? He decided then that he would be honest with Eren, if no one else he would be honest with Eren, because if the marks were to be trusted Eren was his soulmate. “Because waiting for you was the only thing that kept me alive. Without you Eren I have only friends whom I could consider family, but I wouldn’t have anyone to call my own. I had an awful childhood,” Levi stopped looking away- fuck even after all he’d said earlier was he really going to tell Eren? It made sense though didn’t it, to tell him? Levi didn’t get a chance though as Eren got up and stood in front of him, he took his hands and looked him in the eye. 

“Tell me about it some other time okay?” The look Levi gave him must have been something because Eren laughed, not mockingly but- lovingly? Fondly? Affectionately? Whatever adjective fit best it was not something Levi had expected. “Look Levi, I don’t know a lot about love, I mean you’ve seen me and Jean now, we almost can’t stand the sight of each other and not too long ago I would have done anything to see him again. I’m all mixed up everywhere right now and I really feel like I no longer know who I am, but I like being around you for all it’s worth. Also don’t invalidate your feels, they’re important too, just because I don’t have anything figured out doesn’t mean you need to shove yourself aside and focus on me.” He sighed and sat down in front of Levi. Honestly he hadn’t expected this conversation to last so long. 

“Look what I’m saying is I’ll get my shit together at some point and I’ll let you know, but I might also need your help sometimes. For whatever reason you aren’t half bad to talk to.” There was a nice pause while they sat in each others company thinking of anything else they might need to say before Eren decided on something. “By the way I think it’s about time I get that Jean Marco talk out of the way. There’s obviously something going on, which is to be expected, and I know Jean is just dying to tell me about.” There was a bite of venom in Eren’s tone as he spoke that Levi found kind of sexy. 

_____________________________

That talk actually went a lot better than expected, Levi especially liked the part where Eren had told Jean off when he’d tried to tell Levi to leave. The look of horror on Jean’s face had been fucking priceless, he must have realized that Eren was serious about letting Levi into his life, which did bother Levi as it meant Jean had thought he could talk Eren out of it. Marco was the only thing this about the whole ordeal that truly bugged Levi. Levi could understand feeling protective and cautious around your soulmates ex-lover, he had felt that way himself when Jean had come around the first time, but he at least hadn’t thought to cover Eren’s whole body with his own as Marco had. It was more than fucking vexing, Levi was livid just at the thought of the display so proudly shoved in Eren’s fucking face. 

Since Levi’s outburst the two had made it clear that if one of them was in any distress emotionally they would talk about it before another explosion could happen, and Levi had not been happy to hear just how frustrated Eren was over Jean and Marco. Now that he had open access to Eren’s feelings Levi had almost done a complete 180 from being a torarable dick to being an insufferable asshole anytime something he knew would bother Eren happened. It just didn’t help that nine time out of ten it was Marco saying something about Jean. If Levi thought about it sensibly he would probably understand that Marco didn’t mean anything by it but Levi was anything but sensible when it came to Eren and so he was living in a constant state of repressed rage. 

Levi was looking for a bit of an out let for and the awful feelings brewing inside of him when Hange came to him with a new and improved plan. Instead of sending Eren in to talk to Grisha they would send Levi to see if they were able to coax any sort of reaction from him. Levi would go in with an earpiece that would connect him to Eren who would feed him information while he was with Grisha, which would inhibit any control Grisha could try to use over Eren. The hardest part of it all would be that Levi would have to play the part of the cold hearted killer who gave absolutely zero fucks about Eren. 

So in preparation for the act Levi had spend every spare moment alone with Eren telling him loved him and the likes, and Eren let him, even let Levi hold him like he had when they’d first come to the house; as if reassuring Levi that he knew and he understood that anything Levi said or did with his father simply wasn’t true. It was nice actually, Eren thought to have Levi so frantically trying to express himself in a way Eren could just tell wasn’t natural for Levi. It made him happy though to know that Levi cared enough to forego his badass, stoney exterior and let Eren see a side of him Eren was sure rare and underdeveloped. He smiled everytime Levi came in the room looked around and let the mask fall, he liked the light, tender touches that were still cautious. All of it had been peaceful, relaxing and now as he heard Levi through the speaker he understood why. 

This was the Levi who had picked him up out of the car that night, the one who had killed his mom. Though he looked the same, and dressed the same he was different even from the Levi whom he’d known just a week before. It was so striking obvious that the man marching around that interrogation room was not the man he knew, and that Eren didn’t really care to get to know him either. He liked Levi the way he was and not with this air of superiority and open disgust for the people around them. Even if this was all an act it was so well orchestrated and rehearsed that for just one sliver of a moment Eren doubted Levi, he doubted the sincerity with which he so boldly told Eren he loved him, and then suddenly it was gone, those thoughts erased as he watch Levi land a critical blow with his foot to his father's face. 

“You aren’t allowed to talk about Eren like that.” Levi spat and the slumped form before him. Eren watched the screens too encaptured by the events to look away, he wondered what he father had said and why it had upset Levi so much, but knew that having the audio off was the only why they could ensure that Grisha didn’t used the commands which he already had after Eren had feed Levi a few childhood stories to use. 

It had startled Eren when Levi had yelled at Grisha for the ‘german gibberish’, as he’d put it. He had still been holding out hope that his father might have seen just how fucked this all was and given up on it but now he was sickly satisfied with the growing deep purple of the brusie Levi’s hit would soon leave. Everything about this was crazy and impossible in the mind of Eren Jaeger from just under four months ago, but Eren was different, this wasn’t the willing text subject who had been groomed by his father to followed whistled orders. 

“Ask him about my mother, Levi.” He could see Levi stiffen just the slightest at the sound of his voice in his ear, and then he looked up at the camera knowing that Eren was on the other side. “Please.” Levi nodded just a fraction of a bit and moved to fix Grisha back up so he was looking at him. 

“Okay, so Eren doesn’t do it for you? But you’re wife? She must have? Mm.” Levi paused, he felt like scum, the worst of the worst of it. Like Kenny himself as he spoke. “She was a looker, wish I’d gotten a chance with her before, oh well you know.” Levi walked away no finishing the sentence because he couldn’t, not with or without Eren listening, besides he’d gotten a reaction. “So did actually did care about her, huh?” 

“Carla was the love of my life.” Levi turned sharply on his heels facing Grisha again, he blinked slowly a cruel twist to his lips. 

“I killed her you know?” There was shock in his eyes and then it was wiped away by a knowing smirk, which truly startled Levi though visually he didn’t show it. 

“Yes I know Levi. It was a risk I was willing to take, though it kills me to say it.” Grisha did look crestfallen and beat down but his words didn't quite make sense. 

“What do you fucking mean risk you were willing to take?” Something about all of this just didn’t feel right. 

“We knew you would be going after me next, it was only natural seeing as the last place you’d been to had been clears of all records of my whereabouts. I’m a pretty highly guarded secret and you managed to find just the right hole to worm your way into, where you were able to extract my address. You are so messy, but that’s why we made Armin the way he is always improving upon his failures, he really hates letting people down; another of our improvements.” Levi’s eyes narrowed at the shit bag sitting smuggly in front of him. 

“What you’re saying is you had every goddamn opportunity to turn around and run, to leave with your family intact and alive and you chose to let me plow you down?” Grisha smiled. 

“Now he’s getting it.” Eren breath hitched, his heart crumbling, all those broken pieces he’d haphazardly taped together in order to get through this shattering further. 

“Why?” Levi was seething, on fire and on the verge of losing control of himself. 

“I needed away to test Eren’s potential.” And there it went the last thread of consciousness cut and hanging loosely in the wind. 

Black spots colored his vision the only sound he could hear was Eren sobbing on the other side of the ear piece. There were red speckles of blood dotting the gray cement and the skin of his knuckles were sure torn and bleeding furiously but Levi couldn’t fucking care less about himself. This dick bag had just told him that there hadn’t been any good reason for him having killed Carla, because he could have driven the other way instead but had chose to test the fucked up shit he’d done to his own kid instead. 

Levi wondered yet again why the world felt it necessary to continue putting Eren and himself through the fucking wringer. Was it supposed to build character? How could this do them any good? Yeah, it meant Levi wasn’t completely at fault for Carla’s death but it also meant Eren was out a whole fucking family like himself. This is not what Levi had wanted when he’d asked for someone to understand him, he only wanted someone to talk to who wouldn’t judge him. 

All the adrenaline had burned out of him and now he was left with this numb ache and a soreness in his body. He watched say people came and pulled Grisha’s unconscious body away from him. ‘What a shame I didn’t kill him’, Levi thought to himself. Slowly but surely his senses came back to him and as they did he was once again hit with the but wrentching sound of Eren sobbing manically into the speaker. His heart clenched as he realized Eren was asking for him and the guilt he felt because he hadn’t noticed sooner and had wasted so much time beating the shit out of his dad made him getting to his feel and unsteadily begin to run. 

There was a crowd outside of the security room where they kept the live footage camera when Levi got there, pushing unceremoniously through the bunch of assholes content to just stand and gawk at Eren. Hange was standing at the door barring entry to the room from anyone who wasn’t Levi, have witnessed first hand how brutally physical Eren was ready to get with anyone else trying to comfort him. Her eyes dragged over Levi’s rugged appearance shock and understanding mixed on her face as she let him push through deciding it wasn’t as important how he looked right now, but as it was that he got to Eren quickly. Levi limped up to Eren really starting to feel the effects of the blackout rage he’d been in now. He spoke softly interrupting Eren wailing shouts of his names. 

“Eren.” Was all he said, and it made the boys head pop up, for a moment he just looked at Levi taking in his haggard appearance as Hange had and then more tears began to cascade down his stained cheeks. Levi sighed and slumped down next to Eren, ignoring how dirty the floor was and giving into his need to touch the other man. He pulled him onto his lap and held him as if he was the most precious person in his life, because he was, he is, this is Eren. 

Eren shook with emotion too much to really put any one name to but Levi guessed the most shocking and painful one was probably betrayal. His father who was meant to protect him and keep him safe had taken advantage of his youth, and made him into so tool to be used at his discretion; and he had allowed for his mother to be killed, had known it could happen and had decided he was willing to risk it to test Eren. Levi couldn’t imagine everything Eren was going through. It baffled him that Eren was ever able to get up in the morning, let alone smile so joyfully. He wondered to himself if Eren wouldn’t do that anymore, if this had been the last straw and Eren was finally at his breaking point. 

Levi laid his head against the top of Eren’s and rubbed soothing circles into the small of his back, and then he started humming one of those stupid songs Eren plays all the time that Levi had confessed to liking in the privacy of Eren’s company. Eren didn’t move but his breathing did even out and then slowly his tears stopped, but he stayed as he was. A good three hummed songs later though Levi felt Eren stur and looked down at him and was struck speechless. Eren was smiling at him, for him, because of him, after everything Eren was still fucking smiling, and Levi couldn’t help it, didn’t care anymore, really just couldn’t be brought to care at all, and he smiled back, teeth and everything fucking grinning. 

God he felt like such a fucking asshole right now, he left like Jean and imagined Eren must feel something like Marco, and then Levi just let it all go, because if this is what it felt like to be those two fuckwits he didn’t mind it at all. “I love you.” Levi whispered kissing Eren forehead. 

“You’ve said that a lot but I think this is the first time you’ve really meant it.” Eren laughed and it was like music. 

“Yeah?” Levi yawned. 

“Mhm. You wanna tell me why that is?” Eren poked his chest and Levi huffed a semi-laugh back. 

“Because for some god awful reason you can still find it in yourself to smile even after all this bullshit, when I would have given up. Hell I fucking did give up when things got hard I built up walls and closed myself off and that is how I’ve come to have the lovely personality that is Levi.” Eren blinked at him sleepily. 

“What do you mean?” Levi sighed. 

“I mean, that we both have it bad when it comes to family, which you know but,” Levi breathed in brushing hair from Eren’s eyes. “Ah, fuck it, okay.” Levi made himself a little more comfortable and Eren moved around on top of him in accommodation but didn’t leave his lap which made Levi happy. “My mom got sick when I was young, around about ten or so,” Eren was awake now listening to Levi. “And my un-cle.” Levi tripped over the word and paused collecting himself. “My uncle Kenny came to live with us to take care of her saying it was his duty as he older brother and all. It was all fine at first but then I guess, fuck I don’t know, Kenny got this idea in his head at some point that I owed more to him than my mom did.” Levi’s hands were shaking as Eren took them bring them to his lips and pressing kisses to each knuckle gently so as not to disturb the already broken skin. 

Levi jaw clenched as he tried to speak but nothing came out and they sat there for a few minutes but Eren didn’t push him and he was so thankful for that. “He started touching me in ways that aren’t appropriate for family, or even just friends, or at all.” Levi could feel bile slicking up his throat at the thought but he pressed on, fully prepared to present his soul to Eren for judgement. “When my mom died I moved in with Kenny, or well Kenny got rid of all her shit and claimed the house as his own, and it all just got worse. At some point he managed to make believe that he was going to be my soulmate and so there was no reason for me to resist him.” Levi paused and shook his head. 

“He killed his soulmate by the way, found that out when I started working with Erwin. Anyways, yeah, it wasn’t until my eighteenth birthday that I realized he was complete and utter bullshit.” Eren was quietly contemplating all that levi had said, and as he did so he was mindlessly playing with Levi’s hand twisting and turning them over and over. His breathing was simple and rhythmic as he thought over all the words and their meanings, and then he thought about his feelings and how fucked up and jumbled they were and how for some reason the wonderful tingling sensation Eren had only ever known in association with Jean had transformed itself into something new and even more addicting. 

And he suddenly knew that he only ever felt it this strongly in Levi’s presence, then the words were stumbling out of him without thought. “I love you.”


End file.
